I remember an ad in my younger days, showing a well-dressed man in an eye-patch oozing with supreme self-confidence as the blurb simply says: “The man in the Hathaway shirt.” He was the epitome of cool in our day. “Clothes make the man” was the headline of another old print ad.
Those ads reflected the milieu I grew up in. “Dress for success” was the guiding meme. The message: it pays to be well dressed and neatly groomed.
The thing is, I have never been a stylish or a flashy dresser. When it comes to clothes, I’ve always been fashion blind.
In the college I went to, the dress code was white shirt with collar and a necktie. During classes, I would wear a black shoelace around my neck to serve as the prescribed tie. It wasn’t long before many did the same thing and the dress code was rescinded. If you open my college graduation yearbook, you’ll see a photo of me wearing a cut-off sweatshirt, not a shirt with a collar.
When I got a job in advertising after college, I ended up in a department of writers and artists. Thankfully, creative types were not expected to dress up like the stiff collared account executives. “Creative” was a license to dress differently. The more outlandish, the more mismatched the attire, the more you were seen as very imaginative. In my case, I wore plain dull clothes that intentionally made me inconspicuous or invisible, blending with the scenery.
Then and now, when I shop for new clothes, I go for what is accessible and available, usually at the local mall. I am not brand conscious. I simply choose what fits well enough and has an affordable price tag, rather than what expresses a certain style or would make heads turn.
I’m not rebelling against anything. It isn’t because I am a non-conformist or trying to make a statement. It’s just that I have never been choosy or fastidious about what to wear for reasons I will elaborate later.
Yes I know that we live in a society where clothes are very important. Every day we put much effort in choosing what to wear because clothes are a channel of self-expression, sending messages to others about who we are and what we do.
Aside from self-expression, psychologists say clothes are part of self-care. Dressing well isn’t just about projecting an image — it can also be a way to boost one’s mental health. I know a woman executive who wears blazers, black trousers or tailored skirts including heels even to her zoom meetings because she feels more professional and productive that way. Like many people, she feels more empowered with the help of clothing.
Wearing clothes is essentially part our daily performative act. We want our attire to make us appealing, attractive, and desirable, or presentable at the very least. Doctors, lawyers, corporate executives, and clergy put on their designated garbs when they perform their respective tasks.
We have a distant relative who posts frequently images of herself on social media wearing a different set of clothes each time. She seems to never run out of new outfits to display. My wife and I are simply amused because we feel she is having a swell time and is sharing that joy with others. So, why not?
One of my wife’s FB friends also posts photos of herself wearing outlandish outfits that border on shocking. I asked my wife if it’s proper for a woman in her late sixties to dress that way. I suspect it is just her way of provoking certain people, to stir up feelings of envy or rage.
Then at the end of the day, just like an entertainer’s costume, we put them away for the next performance.
It begs the question, are we performing to please ourselves or others? Sometimes clothes can cloak a hidden motive or deeper mental health issues. One should be wary of investing too much in the power of the clothing to provide a mental boost. When there are deeper mental issues involved such as low self-esteem or depression, I doubt if clothes can be of much help.
Smart dressing has never been a “vain desire” for me. I have long made peace with myself and have resigned to being a lousy dresser or fashion inept. I don’t mind being called a “dowdy,” which describes a person who dresses badly and has an unstylish appearance.
The simple explanation is I am an introvert, a quiet person who’s more inward looking. I subscribe to an ascetic approach to living. Being unattached to fashion trends or apathetic to sleek attire is just being me as a person.
As long as my clothes are comfortable, neat and presentable, that’s enough for me. I even wear cheap imitation rubber shoes without being apologetically self-conscious about it. I don’t have an expensive iconic watch on my wrist.
One time, a friend who noted my uninspired attire asked me: “Why are you so humble?” Me, humble? Oh no, I laughed, thinking of Golda Mayer’s quip: “Stop being so humble. You’re not that great.”
Don’t get me wrong. I am fascinated by elegant clothes. Dressing well can be an art. It is also a fun way to bring more beauty into the world. My guiding precept in personal attire is simplicity and modesty. If you think I’m old-fashioned, that’s perfectly alright with me.
I do not judge people by what they wear. I’m not like other people who make their first impression of someone instantaneously based on his clothes and grooming. What we wear should not be a rash referendum on our worth as a person. I care more about the real person beneath the attire or accouterments. I’d rather spend time with someone in a boring outfit but who can carry a scintillating conversation than a stylishly dressed person who is a boring conversationalist.
For in the end the best outfit we can wear should be that special something we are comfortable to be in: our self-dignity and self-worth.
No matter what we wear, be it a branded outfit or plain and dull, self-dignity should be enough to carry us through. But without an authentic sense of self-worth, not even the most luxurious iconic clothes can conceal the fraudulence and emptiness within.