SEVERAL friends have suggested that I write about food, thinking most likely that since I eat a lot of it, I know enough to pontificate on it. Out of my desire to be a good friend, I have given the idea considerable thought—but have come to the conclusion that voracious consumption does not automatically qualify one to be a food critic.
I enjoy McDonald’s Quarterpounders, Jollibee Champs, Burger King Whoppers and Tropical Hut Tropical Cheese Burgers—I seek them out almost every week—and while I can tell you that each burger is distinct from the others, I cannot for the life of me tell you why. I cannot even select a favorite. As a parent will say of his or her children, I love them all equally but differently.
I have also had the great privilege of dining at Atelier Vivanda, whose chef deservedly owns not one but two Michelin stars. While our group was eating, we discussed the relative merits of 50-day dry-aged Holstein beef versus massaged and beer-fed Kobe beef; and the European steaks clearly took the evening. In the sober light of day, however, I remembered the exquisite pleasure I experienced when I first tasted cut-with-a-butter-knife wagyu. Is this a case of the leprechaun’s dilemma in Finian’s Rainbow—when I’m not near the girl I love, I love the girl I’m near? Must beef be like a wife, introduced as “my one and only,” or are we allowed beef mistresses we can introduce as “my one and also?”
Philosophical musings notwithstanding, it is obvious I know nothing about food beyond the eating of it. Therefore, instead of reviewing food and restaurants, I will limit myself to giving tips on how to choose the venue for a business meal.
The key is to classify the business meetings/meals according to the people you are meeting and eating with: A.) business meetings with people you don’t really know; B.) business eating with officemates; C.) eating with your business team; and D.) meals with friends in business.
For Type A meals, the primary consideration is to avoid awkward moments. Choose restaurants that serve a wide variety of dishes and where each serving is for one person only. You see, you want everybody to be able to order what they want and not have to worry about sharing.
Once in a while, I have meetings with strange people who say they don’t eat meat. I can still trust them and I am willing to do business with them—to say, otherwise, would be to invite cyberattacks condemning me for vegephobia and dietism. However, while I am happy to let them order a pile of green stuff with some unknown dressing on the side, I will not be bamboozled into eating it with them. Seriously, you can invite them to a Filipino restaurant and offer them Vigan longganisa.
If they think those little sausages don’t contain meat, then you know exactly how to negotiate your business deal with them. (Vigan, vegan. Get it? Get it?) Super seriously, you are best off going to a Japanese restaurant. You order for yourself, the portions are reasonable, and if something in the meeting goes awry, you can blame it on that crazy cold sake.
Type B meals with officemates can be a little tricky. To avoid all questions, make the choice of restaurant solely on the basis of proximity to the office. Everyone wants to pretend to be back from lunch and hard at work by 1:30 pm. Nine o’clock breakfast meetings and overtime dinners should be held at the office. These rules should apply even if the soulless functionaries from human resources (HR) are not invited because HR always finds out when employees are goofing off. An HR drone is probably watching you now.
Your team is also made up of officemates, but I created the Type C meeting because eating with your team has a special purpose that trumps the proximity and fear-of-HR rules. Rather than pay consultants hundreds of thousands of pesos to conduct team-building activities, you can simply eat together as a team regularly (except, of course, if the consultant is a friend of mine in which case the team-building sessions are worth every peso.) Super-duper seriously, always go to restaurants that serve food family-style, and like the family that prays together, the team that eats together will work well together. A good team knows who wants the white meat pieces of chicken and who gets the fish heads.
Very good teams know how to order the proper ratio of sizzling bangus to sizzling sisig to balance the healthy pleasures against the guilty. Excellent teams can account for every siopao and leave no pieces of shame unconsumed.
And, finally, Type D. For friends, does it really matter where you eat? Pork chops or pizza. English service or American. Hearty salads or heart attack-inducing steaks. Chinese, Japanese, Filipino…Italian, Indian, Ilocano. You can even drive to Pampanga for palabok if you like. It’s all about the relationship. In the end, shouldn’t all business be like that?
Well, there you have it. Mary Parker Follett defined management as the art of getting things done through others. My overall goal in life is to tweak this to: The art of getting things done through others using food.
Whew. Made it through the article without mentioning crispy pata!
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