IT’S 11:30 p.m., a time when the sun has set deeply and the hormones have soared high. What some may refer to as the witching hour, others refer to as the perfect time to start thinking about a booty call.
And, like clockwork, your cell phone vibrates with a text saying something along the lines of “Nasan ka?” or maybe they’ll change it up a bit by saying, “Gawa mo?” Whatever the text may ask, the subtext of that text is a question on most twentysomethings’ minds during lights out: Are you down to f*#k?
Our generation has subscribed to a hookup culture that requires very little effort from either gender regarding getting laid. Many depend on the f*#k buddy, or fubu, or what some call a “friend with benefits.”
This means you have someone whom you call whenever the mood strikes. Or maybe you had a random hookup that turned into a friends-with-benefits situation and your relationship consists mostly of drunken sex.
If you’ve ever had one of these relationships, you know they can be very tricky. There are lots of gray areas to navigate in an increasingly casual affair.
I have seen extremely successful fubu relationships in which ultimately, the two people stay friends and remain completely cordial. But I have also seen the dark side where one person’s feelings get hurt and the whole relationship pretty much blows up, figuratively, on their faces.
Here are what I think are the pros and cons of a fubu relationship:
Pros: Some of us are very busy and don’t have time for a full-blown relationship. Some of us just don’t want one because of the drama such relationships generally bring.
When you are a twentysomething, you have needs and, unless you want to sleep with a bunch of people, a fubu is the perfect way to meet your needs without blowing up your numbers. It’s the type of relationship where you can have hot sex, then high five and peace out.
If you go into this arrangement with the right mind-set, it can be a really fun experience. If you are very independent and know that you don’t get too emotionally attached, then go for it.
But if you find yourself having feelings of attachment to people quickly, “Run for the hills!” Remember, friends with benefits turning into relationships can happen but it is more the exception than the rule.
Cons: If you are the type who gets attached to something or someone, then avoid a friends-with-benefits relationship. Go buy a vibrator or something. If you are someone who falls in love every other day, then a fubu isn’t for you.
If you’re going to be attached, you are guaranteed to get screwed (emotionally, after you get screwed physically). If you are this type of person but still want to have a fubu anyway, just make sure to mentally prepare yourself and set ground rules (like no cuddling).
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