I recently watched the movie Collateral Beauty, whose opening lines caught my attention: “We long for love. We wish for time. We fear death.” Grieving the loss of a daughter, rich executive Howard (played by Will Smith) started writing letters addressed to Love, Time and Death. Howard chose to isolate himself from work and friends, all of whom suspected him of suffering from a severe psychological problem. In the end, all the characters experienced and learned new perspectives in their relationships. The term “collateral beauty” seems to be beauty that comes from profoundly sad experiences. In the movie, Howard eventually reestablished a genuine connection with his wife, whom he separated from after the death of their daughter. Collateral beauty was found after surviving one’s liminal space.
I was reintroduced to the concept of liminal space during my niece’s high-school graduation. One of the speakers, Prof. Lisa Hicks, discussed the feeling of uncertainty between two points, which she defined as liminal space. She was addressing the graduates, whose summer vacation will be spent in limbo—euphoric from graduating high school, but anxious of entering college. Liminal space is akin to waiting in the airport, neither here nor there.
The word “liminal” comes from the Latin word “limens”, which means “threshold”. Hicks said liminal space is when you have left the tried and true, but have not yet been able to replace it with anything else. Hicks further explained that the thresholds of waiting and uncertainty are inevitable. As my sister recently told me, we should embrace liminal spaces no matter how disruptive they can be. Each space ushers in a new chapter of life and can cause varying degrees of anxiety. Going through liminal spaces is often a period of discomfort and of transformation. We often miss the real potential of “in-between” places—we either become paralyzed, as in the case of Howard, or we run away from the cloud of uncertainty. Nonetheless, the experience gives us the chance to become someone completely new, and, hopefully, better.
Doctor Jose “Jojo” Bernardo has found and survived his own liminal space. With his marriage annulled and his children emotionally traumatized by the separation, Jojo tried his best to focus on the positive side of things. While this period was painful, he knew that like everything else, it, too, shall pass. Now, he is happy and blessed with a second family. Professionally, Jojo used to be one of the many rehab doctors in the Armed Forces of the Philippines. Today, after surviving his liminal space, Jojo has become the most respected hyperbaric oxygen treatment doctor in the country. Together with his business partner Jess Co, Jojo has set up the Advance Hyperbaric Life Support in Tagdalit Street in Quezon City, where people from all ages and walks of life get relief from all sorts of ailments, pain and stress.
In one of our more recent conversations, Jojo reminded me to “smell the roses” such that no matter how difficult life can become, we must learn to appreciate what we have. Discovering collateral beauty or being in liminal spaces is often like being on a bed of roses—the thorns might be painful, but the roses make it worthwhile. Jojo’s painful transition taught him to accept change no matter how hard he struggled against it. Change in one area of life always spills into other areas. After all, spirituality, vocation, relationships, physicality, community, friendships and emotions do intersect and intertwine. A loss of a loved one will always have a ripple effect, just like how Howard’s business affairs were affected by the death of his daughter. Separation from loved ones will impact one’s balance, just like how Jojo’s strained relationship with his children affected his professional career. With fellowship from some well-meaning friends, Jojo eventually discovered the collateral beauty from an unfortunate experience. Most psychologists would say that if we approach our liminal space deliberately, within a community, and with a positive vision instead of becoming paralyzed or running away from it, we can definitely become better persons. Jojo struggled but seized it in due course.
Life is a series of waiting and transition periods. Nothing is ever permanent. Children will grow and graduate and start their own families. Companies will hire and fire colleagues at work. Life is not just about waiting for your bus ride, but waiting to love and be loved. Life is waiting to commit and find the work you were meant to do, all in God’s perfect timing. Hicks finally said, “Our lives are full of inconvenient setbacks, not due to some great cosmic mistake but because of some divine purpose.” Psalms 27:14 says, “Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord.” In the waiting, we can and will become “collaterally beautiful” as a rose. It is a matter of choice and of faith.
For questions and comments, please e-mail me at sbmison@gmail.com.