THE statement “I’m depressed” gets thrown around pretty loosely nowadays.
To most people, it’s just a way to exaggerate how sad or upset they feel. For some, it’s an inescapable feeling of sadness. It was actor Joey de Leon who nonchalantly brushed off this “dis-ease”—literally not feeling at ease.
I can’t say I blame him. After all, we live in a society where most Filipinos live in poverty, look daily for food, and still stay resilient, maintain the will to live and the mental outlook to wake up and work another day. I think de Leon was simply adopting the perspective of this huge slice of Philippine culture: 21.5 million Filipinos in 2015 to be exact, who have, in essence, no right, no time and no luxury to be depressed.
However, depression is a serious issue.
Twenty percent of people with major symptoms of depression graduate to a more severe form of psychosis. In other words, it is a gateway to being psychotic. These people may not be poor, but their sickness is real.
I myself have never been debilitated by sadness for that long. So I would like to apologize in advance because what I will be writing about is based on my own humble opinion alone.
Here they are.
Happy hormone
SOME say oxytocin, or the happy hormone, is produced from these sources: exercise, “sexercise,” drugs and sweets. The most innocuous and natural source of oxytocin is—drumroll please—social interaction. That’s right: Spend time with other people. And one of the ways our body perceives this is by eye contact.
They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Looking someone in the eye lets you know that you are not alone. It grounds you to reality. It makes you see that you are with other people.
Nowadays, you can sit beside people, work with people, drink and eat with people, but you don’t acknowledge their humanity until you look them in the eye. This is where the interaction becomes real, and this is where the oxytocin comes from. So my first advice for those who are sad or depressed is to look people in the eye, and enjoy other people’s company.
This may be too basic for some, but a lot of people go through the day swiftly rattling orders or going through the motions. But looking people in the eye, supporting them and acknowledging them are the first things I advise.
Also, double or triple your time with others. Make sure the time spent is not just by sitting beside each other but really having meaningful conversation, connecting eyes and ideas, sharing emotions and time.
The flow
THE second thing I advise is to be grounded in reality. Depressives should fight tooth and nail with their consciousness to slap themselves back into the here and now.
This means riding a roller coaster when depressed. Can you still be sad if you are careening down a path and all your body is screaming for you to pay attention to your surroundings? No.
Ride a bike, jump on a trampoline or learn a new dance move. Do anything that requires you to be completely in the present; this is where your freedom is.
Hungarian psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi recommends the state of “Flow”—that state when you forget time because you are so engrossed in what you are doing and being so in the moment.
Share the love
HAPPINESS is actually a state of pure focus on the present.
This is what is lacking in depressives. Even if they are doing something engaging, they have a defeating voice inside: “There I go again” or “I failed again” or “Oh who am I kidding. I can’t.”
This leads me to my next advice: Shut that dead, tired voice up! That voice inside that tells a depressive to give up; silence that voice the very second it pops up.
Teach your inner voice to be kind to you.
Some depressives overthink, overanalyze and get caught in the “Me! Me! Me! Me!” universe. If you can manage to reach out to others, give to others and make it about other people, then you will slowly unravel the mental shell that keeps you trapped inside yourself.
Show love like hugging, affirming others, giving your time to someone who needs it and consciously thinking: “I am going to do this for you because I love you like how I am supposed to love me.” Tell yourself that “by loving this other person, I am accepting my power to love, and I love myself by giving me the opportunity to enjoy loving someone.”
Panic button
GET a panic button. There are days that depressives just want to shut themselves out or, when the stagnation is too much, the inertia seems to be pulling them down to the bed. They cannot have these times because it is then, alone and in the dark, they think of the worst things that could negatively alter their lives or, even worse, end it.
So beforehand, make a list of the people who care about you and put the first and best one on a speed dial.
Make sure he or she knows that he or she has been selected as a panic friend. Make sure she knows what to do, which is to keep talking to you, get you outside the house or make you do something. If that person isn’t available, she should be able to contact the next person quickly, and so on and so forth.
Make sure that the last person on that list knows that they are last on the list, sort of the “only hope” so that he or she will not refuse the call to help a friend.
There are many depressives who have a lot of great friends who would give their time and would rather skip work, spend cash and lavish affection than regret and bemoan a lost friend.
Proof positive
I know some of these solutions may be taken as simplistic. Some may even argue depression is something one cannot get out of.
However, adopting a victim mentality where you just say “I’m depressive and I can’t do anything about it” would do more harm than this placebo belief that yes, you can raise yourself out of depression.
Yes, you can be more powerful than the sad feeling. Yes, you can find more reasons to move. Yes, you can push that button to call a friend or family member. Say yes to happiness, to life and the possibility this depression is a thing of the past, a nightmare one wakes up from, and an annoying radio voice one can turn off.
Just believe that, while you are alive, it is proof positive there is hope.
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Maxine Mamba is a regular contributor to the BusinessMirror’s Millennials page. The views expressed by Maxine in her column “Inspired” do not necessarily reflect those of the BusinessMirror.