ALL Souls’ Day has passed. My son Marcus also went just recently in Mexico when the famous El Dia de los Muertos [The Day of the Dead] was also being celebrated. He was there with his basketball teammates to compete for the Philippines in the 2022 Torneo Amistad at Toluca, Mexico. Congratulations to their team for winning the bronze.
Remembering “death” has always been poignant for me. I have always looked forward to visiting the cemetery annually pre-pandemic to “update” parted loved ones and continuously seek their guidance. This would include my great grandparents, my grandparents and my grand aunt. This year, I also remember my godfather, Jone Wong, who I once thought lived permanently in The Manila Hotel, and who would always spend great conversation time with me when I visited Hong Kong.
I remember Fr. Peter Yang, our principal in Saint Jude Catholic School who baptized me as a baby and had always been a great inspiration to me. I remember crying so hard when they announced in one of the holy hours in school that he was ill. After so many years, I was led to find a photo of Natsi, a dear college friend of mine who passed a few months after graduation. We were block mates since Day 1 and I always took it upon myself to protect him who had the kindest heart. Last but not the least, I pray and remember with utmost gratitude my sister-friend-protector Princesse, who my whole family deeply misses. Up to this day, it is very hard to imagine going through a future without you.
This year, I was also directed to relationships that have passed. To commemorate them, here is an essay I wrote for our school paper, called The Judenites, back in 1991. The essay is titled, Something Died [September-November 1991, The Judenites, Features Section]:
“Life has all its moods. Sometimes it gives you all the laughter and at other times, all the tears. In both cases, you need people to share those moments with. In short, the world is not your own, you need friends to share the tone.
“Somehow these are all true. But what if it fails? Isn’t it even harder to accept? Is the laughter once shared enough to suppress the pain of losing a friend?
“Not long ago, about two years back, I met a person who never failed to comfort and accompany me in whatever I pursue. He enabled me to overcome the pressures of everyday life. He was a normal person, not a genius or a super famous personality, just a person who followed the high tides and the low tides of time. But for me, he was as special as diamonds locked in one’s heart. He served as the bridge and inspiration to all my dreams and desires. It seems as though with him around, everything was in place, every dream was just a step away. I could say communication was the key to our months of togetherness. Usually, it was more open and alive through the lines and wires than in actual speaking. We could always share our deepest sentiments and wildest dreams.
“Of course not all agreed with our relationship. But back then, I was stubborn and determined. I knew it was right so I fought for it. I went for it. But it was everything for nothing. For there came a time when the ringing stopped. I felt different. I didn’t know if I could face reality after passing through paradise. I was troubled. If ever I would trip and fall, would there be someone to watch over me, to see me cry and ease my sorrows?
“But as time passed by, lessons are learned and experiences are gained. Though I want the friendship back, I know it can never be. I realized that good things never last. Maybe it was not our time. But I know now that when one leans too much, the post may not be as firm as you want it to be and may just break apart.
“Until now, questions still arise but I could never utter. Was it my doing? Or just nature’s way? I strived for years to let go and forget. With every strife, there was anger and regret. But I know now it does not anymore matter since it’s all part of the past. What matters now is the present and what lies ahead. The better opportunities to be sought, the better friendships to be won.
“Seeds grow into trees but trees soon die and leaves start to wither. This is how things go. Though accepting is hard, the only explanation I have is that death is a natural thing. One comes and one goes. So simple to say yet so difficult to accept.
“Something died—in my heart, in my soul, in my mind.
“Time can heal the wounds but never the pain.
“Goodbye, my friend. Good luck!”
Reading this again allowed me to realize how lucky I was that “writing” found me and how it gave me deep solace. This is why I encourage my children to journal or draw to tangibly release their emotions. It also made me see the gratitude I feel as I look back at such endings…for there were those “deaths” that fueled my inner strength today, those that pushed me to learn to forgive, and even those that also emerged into rekindled priceless second wind of relationships.
May we remember all our “Something Died” with peace and gratitude.