When the World Health Organization declared the Covid-19 pandemic in March 2020, countries all over the world shut down borders and closed educational institutions and workplaces. The lockdown and movement restrictions left people scrambling to adapt to the new environment. Remote work and distance learning, among others, became the new norm.
This situation had a considerable impact on families who now lived, worked, and were educated in the same living space. Women, who already did about three-quarters of the cleaning, cooking, and child-rearing—the unpaid work that, according to economists, makes all paid work possible—did more caregiving than ever.
Being a working mother became more challenging. Balancing career, motherhood, and household responsibilities during the coronavirus pandemic made women even more aware of how much more they were doing.
Filipino moms, most likely, experienced the same, and maybe even more.
Motherhood among Pinoy moms, pandemic-style
Dr. Bernadette Manalo Arcena, a psychiatrist from St. Luke’s Medical Center, said mothers “literally became teachers to their children – overall instructor, chef, and entertainer for that matter because you have to keep those children on the go.”
“As a mother, and at the same time if you’re working, that’s really double work. Plus, the fact, of course, is that you also have to take care of your mental health. So, it was really a big challenge for women but as moms, we accepted the challenge!” she added
Dr. Manalo was speaking before the online audience of BusinessMirror Coffee Club’s “Motherhood in the Next Normal” held on May 25.
As a frontliner who did her rounds in the Covid ward, it was difficult for Dr. Manalo “because there this the paranoia that I might contaminate my children whenever I go home.” So she had to make sure she was “super-duper clean,” disinfected and observed safety protocols when at home.
“You know, one thing that I want to share with you guys is that you are very blessed if you are alive right now. I saw how patients suffered. It was so hard to be intubated,” she said with sadness in her voice.
Prayers work
To overcome the frightening experience, Dr. Manalo always reminded herself to pray, be tough, have presence of mind, and be extra careful.
“When you go home you become a mom so there’s a switch of roles. I have to be softer, I have to be more relaxed, I have to condition myself that I’m not in the hospital anymore. I’m in the house. But really, I admit, I had this kind of paranoia that I might infect my kids. You know, prayers work! And the most important blessing I got from above was that I never got the virus even if I worked in the Covid ward,” she said.
Samantha Catabas Manuel, Group Director of Digital Marketing of Megaworld Hotels and Resorts, had a similar experience.
“At the onset of the pandemic, I suddenly found myself wearing so many hats and it was really a challenge to multitask. Like in the morning, you wear a certain hat and change it in the afternoon and in even in the evening. Our time and routine were really challenged. But no matter what the challenges are, we will really step up to cope and overcome them,” Manuel stressed.
In her case, Manuel was dealing with two kids with totally different needs. The eldest was 13 and the younger one was six years old. There was a big age gap to fill and both were at awkward ages that demanded time and different care approaches.
“So, imagine I have to adjust to two different individuals simultaneously. I really had to balance. On top of it, as a working mom, I was adjusting to my own personal schedules, too. Good thing, the nature of my job was doing digital marketing. It was a blessing because I can practically work from anywhere. Wherever you put me, I can work,” she added.
Open communication
Manuel is happy to share that she managed to achieve one goal with her children – open communication.
“I made them understand what mommy is doing and I’m happy to be able to expose them to my kind of work. So, now they know why I’m busy and they understand why at times I can’t call or respond to them. It was a sort of eye-opener for them and from my end also. I was able to relate also with my teenager like now I know what they do during a certain time of the day. And my little daughter, I get to see how she plays. It was basically an eye opener for both me and my kids. They see me as a working mom and I see them as growing kids,” she shared.
Marzen Hidalgo Salazar, Head of Operations and Development, Ministry of Information, Oman English Radio; and business owner, was based in Oman when the pandemic struck.
“We had the lockdown which started at the same time as that of the Philippines. It was horrible at the start because as a working mom I didn’t know how to deliver 100 percent to my job. I was in the media production and at the same time, I need to attend to my kids because they were staying and studying at home.
“I had the same routine, I would say for eight years, in the performance of my job, and suddenly it had to change. During the pandemic, it was also a realization for a lot of us that this is really what we wanted to do as mothers – to be with our kids. But of course, I needed to work and so I decided to have work shifts. To make the most of this rare moment, I connected with my kids. I think we bonded more, and I believe we became closer, during the pandemic,” Salazar narrated.
At the time Salazar had to work onsite and she had to divide her time between her home and the office. “I go onsite to work, and then I have to go back home and prepare food for the kids. After lunch, I go again to work outside.”
She said she agreed with Manuel and Dr. Manalo, that moms had to keep on changing hats, adding that she was also the driver all the time.
“It was really challenging. We tend to become supermoms. We want to give them the best and even keep them entertained at the same time. During the pandemic, I plan activities for the kids then worry that we may not do them because of the restrictions. Finally, my kids would understand that we don’t really have to do them. It was a matter of communication with them. It was a big change, but I think when you communicate with your kids and they realize that family is important, then we can fix everything,” she added.
Lessons learned
Hurdling the biggest motherhood challenge during the pandemic, Dr. Manalo said she has finally learned how to relax and take care of herself. She has learned new hobbies such as becoming a plantita, too, which she found therapeutic for her.
“Before, I had no time to talk to my children, but now they could actually insist that we talk. I now also play the games they play even if I always end up the loser. Today is the biggest challenge — and at the same time the biggest reward for mothers. Remember this could be the only time that we’ll see our kids 24/7. So, let’s accept things right now because the time will come that it will be traffic in Edsa again and that we won’t be seeing our children longer again because they would choose to be with their peers or play with computers longer again.
“The most important lesson from my end? I learned to be a cool mom, to wear hats on different angles and stay smiling,” Dr. Manalo said.
Likewise, Manuel learned to be appreciative of the blessings, family, and work she enjoyed despite the pandemic.
“There is the challenge to live the best of both worlds. At the end of the day, I’m also very thankful that I have my husband, we’ve been married for 18 years, as team workers. Today, I truly appreciate my teamwork with my husband because I couldn’t do everything without him,” she said.
“I’ve always been a hands-on mom but in this unusual time of the pandemic, we have developed a different bond as a family. We found ways to just enjoy ourselves at home. Now, we always find time to celebrate milestones. We keep on discovering things together. I think that’s the best lesson I will take with me as we move to the next normal. That family’s experience during the crucial times would definitely be forever cherished. No matter what challenges that may come ahead, it would always be about looking at the positive things,” Manuel said.
Going home
Meanwhile, Salazar has delayed her plans of returning to the Philippines to personally attend to her growing business, Miss Derm for now. Right now, she said, she’s happy with her job and current position in the company, and the friends she made at Oman.
“But of course, things are different in the Philippines especially I have my baby in the Philippines which is Miss Derm. I was in the process of going back to the Philippines before the pandemic. When everything is okay then we can make the big decision to return for good. Right now, I’m just happy to have competent people and trusted colleagues in the Philippines to run my business,” she said.
Just like most individuals, she said, she learned to be grateful for her pandemic experiences.
“I felt that gratitude can make me feel contented. We’re all looking for peace of mind. I realized this is what will give me peace of mind: if I’m contented. And you know what? When I started feeling content with what I had, I continue having more. And every time there’s an addition, I see it’s a big thing!”
“I also learned that the strongest person you know can be weak and that is not a bad thing. I see people from my family, my circle of friends, and especially celebrities during the pandemic, they were so fragile like anyone of us. And whenever they tell or show us that they went through a lot, I realized that they are also human beings. And that’s also okay for them to feel what ordinary people feel. I think during the pandemic it became easier for us to share our feelings. And it was okay,” she said.