MARCH is the month of graduation ceremonies and recognition days for most schools. It is also Women’s Month. I thought it best to focus this month on the topic of achievements. This week, let me start with my ongoing series I-Parent.
When one hears the word “achievement,” it is closely associated with getting an award or recognition. There are also occasions when we are asked, “What have you achieved so far in your life?” Usually, the thought of achievement brings pressure or fear regarding “nonachievement.” So, how important is it really to have achievements?
From what I have observed, and from my own experience, the importance of gaining achievements based on the definition above is very much rooted in each person’s family dynamics. I grew up in a household where achievement, especially in academics, was important. We saw the diplomas from prestigious universities of our relatives. We hear the accolades for our aunt who was a CPA top-notcher. I saw how happy my family was whenever I brought home medals from school. It was also quite normal to hear from my mom in gatherings saying she liked her daughters competing with each other. So, achievement in our household meant getting a lot of awards in school.
Real-life and school are quite different. In school, there is a grading system as a point of reference. In real-life, who sets these parameters? How important is it to have goals? I believe that as kids, goals or paths set by our elders are essential because, in general, parents would always want the best for us. But once we reach adulthood, we must seek and find our own “why.” Why do we exist? What is our reason to wake up each morning? What is the right path for us? In the most ideal circumstance, our parents’ goals might even end up being our own. Still, the process of self-discovery must be done.
A good friend, Lea Disini told me a few years back how she was amazed that I knew exactly what I wanted back in high school, after I brought her to our warehouse and sold her a puzzle. I revealed to her that I actually felt quite lost most of my teen years.
This might sound funny, but if you ask me what was at the top of my dreams as a child, it was to find love and build the most loving family. But even as a child who was third-born, I took the responsibility of keeping our family together very seriously. Every parental argument jolted me to find ways to keep my parents together. When there were sibling iniquities, I took steps to balance and lobby for fairness with my parents. My family was the motivation of my hard work in school and, eventually, at work.
After college, my dream was to become a human-rights lawyer. I actually wanted to live a life in the United States. In the end, familial responsibilities took the front seat. But I do not have any regrets, because I knew I made the right choice at the right time. My goals have also evolved and merged.
I know that behind my wanting to be a human-rights lawyer was the desire to make a difference. After years of searching and help from people, I slowly discovered that I can achieve this through my dad’s business, and my love for education. And amid all these, God gifted me with a husband in the oddest of circumstance.
I just finished watching the Korean series Crash Landing On You on Netflix last weekend. This tells the love story of Yoon Se-ri, a highly successful South Korean businesswoman, and Ri Jeong-hyeok, a highly respected North Korean army officer.
I feel this series is a good illustration on accomplishment—how varied the ways one can get there, and how the meaning of accomplishment changes in time. Yoon Se-ri’s pursuit of accomplishment is focused on being successful outside of the family business. Her brothers’ sole goal throughout their life has been to be chosen as their father’s successor. Yoon Se-ri chooses to work hard to in the hope of becoming her father’s choice of successor, while the brothers engage in schemes to mask their incompetence.
For me, the greatest accomplishment of Yoon Se-ri in this series is not her financial success. It is her being able to overcome, through the help of Ri Jeong-hyeok, not knowing why she was even borne. It is hard for me to imagine the years she spent on resenting her own birth date and, at one point, even wanting to end her life. It took a lot of will, a good heart and the humble acceptance of help from good people that life purposely introduced to her at the most unusual circumstance.
Having meaningful goals keeps us in tune with our own rhythm. It fuels our grit. It is able to drown out external expectations. It is able to recognize the state of non-finality because life is a work-in-progress. Eventually, our goals become more about our emotional state. Then it turns to daily “wins” that build us to be better versions of ourselves—and a better version of the life we are gifted to live.