I’M lucky to have a great relationship with my father-in-law. I look forward to our many conversations about family and work. I admire him for all he has achieved given that he lost his parents at age 17. I often hear my husband tell us how his father was home every night right after work when they were growing up. Today, he is a great confidante to my husband and me. He is a great source of encouragement for our kids, especially with regard to their academic achievements. When I witness the generous gestures of my husband to the people around him, I know that it is my father-in-laws’ benevolent actions that paved the way for my husband’s good heart today.
I am lucky to have a dad who has continuously given me the discipline, the protection, the push and the freedom. When we were kids, he was determined for us to master Fukien, our local dialect. He knew we were being taught Mandarin and English in school, so he imposed for us to speak Fukien at home. He would refuse to talk to us unless we spoke to him in Fukien. It could get quite frustrating at the time, but today, I am grateful to him that I can converse with this dialect fluently. Moreover, I have found it truly helpful in my business dealings with suppliers.
Since we were all girls, many expected my dad to be more protective. He did set a strict curfew and was adamant for us to attend Sunday mass. But beyond that, I valued his early stance on “girl empowerment.” I learned how to drive at 14, I got my license at 18, I was allowed to practice driving with my friends or the driver. In cases that I got into car troubles, he would instruct me how to deal with it. When I wanted to go to a Taiwan scouting jamboree trip at 14, I was allowed. He even guided me on how to enjoy and handle liquor.
I admire my dad’s convictions and how he employs his long-term and unpopular approach. At work, he always took the harder role in pointing out system improvements. With friendships, he would always tell me to be a good “rainy day” friend, that even if you don’t see your friends during the good times, it’s most important that I be there for them in their time of need.
I’ve realized that my vision for simple happiness with my family comes from my dad. My personal memories with my dad are filled with how he would always go out of his way to bring home my favorite things. Up to now, whenever he goes to Chinatown, he would buy me my hexagon almond cakes and a box of egg pie.
Though many times we don’t see eye to eye, he would always challenge me to prove my point. When I graduated from high school, he wanted me to study accounting at the University of the Philippines, I was set to study BS Management Engineering at the Ateneo de Manila University. He refused to speak to me for a whole month. It pushed me to even buy a book, called The Tao of Negotiation by Joel Edelman. In the end, he saw how determined I was in my decision. I guess my dad’s endless pushing brought about this huge difference in how I am able to continuously stretch my capacity today.
Both of my kids have a strong passion for sports. I know it is because of my husband’s great example and encouragement as early as when they were just toddlers. From giving them pointers in swimming, biking, or shooting hoops with them, to his presence today in their fencing competitions here and abroad, I admire how they see their dad as their No. 1 supporter. Although my husband is naturally protective of their well-being, he acknowledges and respects their personalities. So, win or lose, whether in sports or in life, they know their dad is there to hug them and believe in them enough to push them to tougher possibilities.
Although father-child relationships vary in affection in different generations, I believe that a dad’s influence has always made a great difference in a person’s social and emotional life. For a son, a dad is his first reference point in being a husband and a father. The level of respect a son would eventually extend to women is often a huge reflection on how his dad respects his wife. A dad’s actions toward his spouse also affects how a daughter would expect treatment from her future partner.
I also believe that there is a significant difference in a child’s future on how dads empower them early on. I reckon there are two choices for fathers. One is when new situations arise, dads can choose to protect by limitation. They would just say no to circumstances so that kids do not get hurt and they feel more secure. The second is to empower through trial and error. This is prudently allowing our kids to experience new enriching situations despite our parental reservations. This choice may be more fearful for them as parents, but it is a great start in instilling a “growth mindset” to kids early on. I believe my kids and I are lucky to have fathers who set aside their fears to draw out our true potential. I believe this has helped me and will help my kids to boldly build a life full of possibilities.
Happy Father’s Day to all dads. Thank you for making a “dad’s difference” in your kids’ lives.