I STARTED my stress journey since I was eight at second grade. I remember getting a silver medal on the first grade due to a deduction for getting a fever. The school would deduct points when one fails to submit an excuse letter. Since then, I vowed to always get a perfect score and aimed to be the first in class my whole grade school life. Needless to say, this mindset caused me far too many stressful situations. I share this for the sole purpose of underscoring that if I can overcome stress, it would not be difficult for most people.
Last week, I brought on the reality of today’s parenting world. I am glad I was able to learn tools on transforming my stress when I started married life and parenting life. This week let me share some of my personal tips on positively transforming stress:
1. LIVE ‘YOUR’ LIFE. Living a life you are accountable for makes a big difference in viewing “bumps” along the way. If you chose your path, you are more inclined to find that intrinsic strength to also fight harder. It is good to ask, “What is your why?” I wrote about this on January 17, 2018. Hopefully, this well help you come up with a personal vision that would guide you for at least five years.
Learn to answer fundamental questions with simple answers. What do you want from yourself, from your family, from your career and even from your life outside of work? For example for your career, are you there for the salary, job security, job title, social environment, mentorship, expanding creativity, social change? Pick the most important one, not relative to other people’s expectations, but most important to you.
2. BE AUTHENTIC. Pretending or wanting so much assimilation for acceptance is very stressful because the focal reference is external. I have witnessed a story of major discontent because another person just moved to a new place. Even if that person’s current place was already above par, it wasn’t enough. From an outsider’s point of view, was there really a cause of “valid stress” or was this stress self-inflicted?
The fear of authenticity is often traced back to childhood. Whether competition was strongly fostered by parents, or envy toward others was a familiar environment, I still believe it is our decision to break the cycle. The sooner we know our true source of happiness, the sooner we also learn that the most important reference point is the person we face in the mirror everyday. It helps that we have friends and family who also share the same authenticity.
3. SAME RULES, WIDER FIELDS. Being a parent is life-changing. It helps that I am guided by the same vision and principles both at home and at work. My “growth mindset” principle has allowed me to embrace that learning is better than perfection. I apply strategic planning principles at home, especially with my kids’ learning journey, like how I apply them in growing our business. I bear humility, awareness of my weaknesses, and a lot of laughter in being a wife, a mother, as well as being an executive. This lessens any shift in character, which allows a smoother flow.
4. TIME WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH. LEARN TO PRIORITIZE. It is a fact that work never ends. Chores for our family add to a longer list. As Micheael Hinz and Jessica Hinz point out in their book Learn to Balance Your Life, “Look for time economies wherever you can…. Learn to prioritize. This includes learning to say no…. Resist the temptation to overfill your schedule.”
I also like their tips on setting our priorities:
- Attend to the most important things first
- Prioritize what you do well
- Don’t value an outcome according to your time or monetary commitment
- Becoming a parent is a life-changing event
- It’s easy to give lip service to a priority then neglect it
- Priorities reflect your values
- Remember that you have a duty to yourself
5. SPEND WITHIN YOUR MEANS. Much of the stress will come from finances. And yet you see people who earn far less than us with happy faces. I think it has a lot to do with spending within your means and saving. When I started to work for our family, I never demanded a high salary. I was willing to start at P15,000. And from there, I would only spend 30 percent of my salary every month. It was not hard because I lived with my parents. I was able to do it over the years because I chose to live a fairly simple life. Today, I still apply the same principle.
The question that needs to be asked is, “Where does your money go?” Who or what do you spend it for? I see stress grip people when big expenditures are impending. My suggestion is it might be good to open another account for those one-time big expenditures like tuition fees and family vacations. So when you get your Christmas bonus, you set aside that planned amount first, and then spend what’s left after. This immediately takes out the pressure for the coming year’s finances.
6. BE GRATEFUL. Last, and most important, it is good to be grateful everyday for all that you have. Be happy for your successes and be genuinely happy for others’ success as well. I believe when one learns to appreciate, each stress, whether positive or negative, gets contextualized in the most positive light.