TODAY’S parenting world has become increasingly complex. We are aware that the world our kids will “adult” in is far more competitive and demanding than how it was in our youth. So we do our best to prepare them. We find the best schools, after-school activities, sports lessons, and so on. With all these, there is also greater pressure in generating higher family income.
Parents also have various everyday roles. We are husband or wife. We are the children of our parents. We are employees in our workplace. We also have social obligations to friends and our own personal causes. Depending on our resiliency and self-expectation, each of us may feel overwhelmed in performing all that is expected of us.
A few months before I got married, I felt scared. I knew I was going to continue working even when I had kids. I wanted to ensure I could handle the increased responsibilities. I sought advice from a friend and was led to Noelle, a meditation teacher. He equipped me over the course of 10 years with skills on accepting our past, taking our reality as is, knowing my purpose and many more. I believe this has increased my resiliency and allowed me to handle stress in a more positive light. However, I have to admit there are still days that catch my “stress meter” off guard.
Recently, I have heard more and more stories on how negative stress has caused many psychosomatic illnesses and even cancer. It made me want to research more on it. I found a good article from the American Psychological Association (APA), titled “How Stress Affects Your Health.” Below are some of the points I found useful:
1. Stress could be both positive and negative. Positive stress is a good force that motivates us to perform well. There is also a negative stress, like when one is stuck in traffic. If this stress is prolonged over a period of time, it could become chronic.
2. When you “confront multiple challenges every day, such as meeting deadlines, paying bills and juggling childcare that make your body react the
same way,” your body’s natural alarm system—the “fight or flight” response—may get stuck in the “on” position, and that can have serious consequences for your health.
3. Multiple studies have shown that these sudden emotional stresses—especially anger—can trigger heart attacks, arrhythmia and even sudden death. Although this happens mostly in people who already have heart disease, some people don’t know they have a problem until acute stress causes a heart attack or something worse.
4. Chronic, longer-term stress is worse for one’s mind and body. This can start to interfere with normal life like feeling fatigued, inability to concentrate or irritability for no good reason. Chronic stress may also cause disease, either because of changes in your body or the overeating, smoking and other bad habits people use to cope with stress. Other forms of chronic stress include depression, low levels of social support and increased cardiovascular risk.
5. The article prescribes the following measures to deal with stress:
n Identify what’s causing stress. Monitor your state of mind throughout the day. If you feel stressed, write down the cause, your thoughts and your mood. Once you know what’s bothering you, develop a plan for addressing it. That might mean setting more reasonable expectations for yourself and others, or asking for help with household responsibilities, job assignments or other tasks. List all your commitments, assess your priorities and then eliminate any tasks that are not absolutely essential.
Build strong relationships. Relationships can be a source of stress. Research has found that negative, hostile reactions with your spouse cause immediate changes in stress-sensitive hormones. But relationships can also serve as stress buffers. Reach out to family members or close friends and let them know you’re having a tough time. They may be able to offer practical assistance and support, useful ideas or just a fresh perspective as you begin to tackle whatever’s causing your stress.
Walk away when you’re angry. Before you react, take time to regroup by counting to 10. Then reconsider. Walking or other physical activities can also help you work off steam. Plus, exercise increases the production of endorphins, your body’s natural mood-booster. Commit to a daily walk or other form of exercise—a small step that can make a big difference in reducing stress levels.
Rest your mind. According to APA’s 2012 Stress in America survey, stress keeps more than 40 percent of adults lying awake at night. To help ensure you get the recommended seven or eight hours of shut-eye, cut back on caffeine, remove distractions such as television or computers from your bedroom, and go to bed at the same time each night. Research shows that activities like yoga and relaxation exercises not only help reduce stress, but also boost immune functioning.
Get help. If you continue to feel overwhelmed, consult with a psychologist or other licensed mental health professional who can help you learn how to manage stress effectively.
Next week, I will share some of my actual practices in reducing stress in my parenting life.