I DON’T know how I survived. I don’t know how I endured the pain. I don’t know why, to this day, I still don’t know why you left.
Seven months ago, you’ve decided to leave me for you find “us” boring. I accepted it wholeheartedly.
It wasn’t the first time that you left. There were so many times that you attempted to leave, and, every time you did, I cried a river. Of course, mahal kita, eh.
Didn’t you notice? You were always the one who kept on leaving and kept on coming back. And didn’t you notice, too, that I always chose to forgive you and accept you with arms wide open. I even still cared for you in the interim we’re not committed anymore.
But did you notice the last time you decided to end “us”? With no hesitation, I told you, “O.K. Sige. Tapusin na natin ’to.” I cried for an hour. Only for an hour. It was because I have come to a realization that I am being too hard on myself. For a year and five months, my world became about you and me, worst, about you at all. I forgot about myself. I have given all the love to you and forgot to love myself.
Loving you means giving all that I am, freely letting you hurt me. Saying sorry for all the faults you’ve done. Cuddling you every time you did wrong. Spoiling you with attention even if you don’t deserve it.
I was so in love I forgot to love myself, I forgot to take care of myself. I forgot about me.
Days have passed and I know I am getting better every day, physically and emotionally. There were days that I attempted to talk to you because let us not deny it…
I miss you.
I miss us.
The answer to my questions is with me all along: I survived because I learned that there’s more to life than loving and being loved.