By Heidi Stevens | Chicago Tribune
My Fringe Hours, a delightful little slip of a book, offers ways to incorporate time for yourself into each day and—here’s the clincher—not feel guilty about it.
“Do you want to learn how to make time for the things you love, deepen friendships and take better care of yourself?” asks the book’s back cover.
Well, yeah. And why don’t I reverse global warming while I’m at it? That was my initial reaction. Then I read the book, subtitled “Discovering a More Creative and Fulfilled Life.”
We all have fringe time, author Jessica N. Turner (founder of The Mom Creative blog) contends: half an hour sitting on the sidelines at soccer practice, an hour frittered away on Pinterest, and so on. But we tell ourselves certain narratives that prevent us from seizing those moments and spending them on ourselves.
“Instead of cultivating our interests, we say, ‘Someday,’” Turner writes. “And that someday is pushed aside for days, weeks, months, even years.”
In the interest of time—and freeing you up to spend yours on things you love, deepening your friendships, etc.—here are five highlights.
Stop being everything to everyone
“Living as though you have to be everything for everyone will suck the life right out of you,” Turner writes. “The flame of your personal passions that once burned bright in your soul slowly fades to embers, barely glowing.” List the pressures you put on yourself—at work, at home, in your marriage, while parenting—and the goals or material items you strive to attain.
Next, Turner suggests, write down what makes you uniquely you and why others love you.
Study the lists, Turner writes, and determine whether your expectations are reasonable and, honestly, all that appealing.
“Keep your eyes and thoughts on your story, and don’t compare your situation to someone else’s,” she writes. “Comparison breeds resentment, not healthy living.” Which brings us to the second point.
BE YOU
“Embrace your own abilities, and learn to enjoy the strengths of others without pressuring yourself to make them your own,” she writes.
Write down the names of four people you frequently compare yourself to. Then write down at least one way in which your personality, strengths or life circumstances are different from theirs. Remind yourself of these differences each time you’re tempted to compare your marriage to their marriage, your finances to their finances, your vacation to their vacation.
Track your time
For seven days, write down what you do every waking hour. At the end of the week, evaluate which items are nonnegotiables (work, taking kids to school), what time was wasted, what you could eliminate or hire help for, and what activities you pursued out of guilt rather than pleasure or necessity.
Once you’ve identified “pockets” of time that could be better spent, Turner writes, complete the following sentence: “Making time for me will help me have a more creative and fulfilled life by….”
Spend your fringe time on yourself
Now that you’re freed of unreasonable expectations, pointless comparisons and chores you were only doing out of guilt, it’s time to fill your life with happier pursuits.
Don’t know where to start? Turner suggests answering the following questions:
- When was the last time you enjoyed doing something so much that you lost track of time? What were you doing?
- What activities do you look forward to every time they get scheduled?
- What makes your heart race?
- What were your favorite things to do as a child?
- Who inspires you and why?
Find an encourager
“Without someone to cheer us on in our quest for self-care, we can easily fall into the traps of guilt and unrealistic expectations,” Turner writes.
Yep. Find two people you can ask to be your personal cheerleaders, who will hold you accountable to carve out time for yourself.
Potential encouragers, Turner suggests: family members, coworkers, friends, neighbors, your spouse, members of your place of worship.
Finding your fringe hours and using them faithfully and wisely will take time, Turner writes. But the payoff is huge. “As you make time for yourself, you will grow more confident in who you are and experience deeper satisfaction with how you spend your time,” she writes. “And this world needs you—the best possible you.”