‘IT’S not my fault that everything looks better when I’m standing in front of it.”
That’s the mantra I’ve created for the Age of Selfies. If you repeat it 10 times and then take a selfie with this column—making sure my picture remains prominently in the foreground—you too can become selfie-actualized. Now some might say, “Rex, you’ve created a brilliant and powerful phrase that will undoubtedly capture the hearts and minds of every person with a smartphone camera and a social-media account. Do you consider yourself a spiritual leader?”
To which I would say, “No, I’m just a simple man who happens to make everything look better when he’s standing in front of it. Also, I have fully absorbed our self-portrait fascination and divined the only possible explanation.” What led me to this path of selfie exploration was my inability to recall the last time I saw a photo that didn’t include the face and outstretched arm of the person shooting the picture.
It seems there was a time when we would look at images of natural wonders or historic landmarks and think, “Wow, that’s an awesome natural wonder or historic landmark.” But now we gaze at those same photos and think, “Wow, that’s an awesome place to take a selfie.”
The world has become a background.
Don’t believe me? Check out what the National Aeronautics Space Administration (Nasa) planned for Earth Day on April 22: “While Nasa satellites constantly look at Earth from space, on Earth Day we’re asking you to step outside and take a picture of yourself wherever you are on Earth. Then post it to social media using the hashtag #GlobalSelfie.”
Every selfie-taker was encouraged to hold up a sign that says where on Earth they are, then every image carrying the #GlobalSelfie will be used to assemble “a mosaic image of Earth—a new ‘Blue Marble’ built bit by bit with your photos.” That’s right, astronauts and spacecraft have brought us brilliant photos that show the Earth in its entirety. And that’s fine if you’re into that sort of thing. But what say we re-create an image of the Earth by cobbling together pictures of ourselves!
Let’s just call it “MEarth Day.”
(Hang on, I really like that term MEarth Day, let me take a selfie in front of it to make it more awesome.)
OK, I’m back.
If the Nasa concept doesn’t convince you that my mantra is spot on, consider other evidence of the ubiquitous nature of selfies.
The latest “Taking Stock With Teens” survey by asset-management firm Piper Jaffray found that the selfie-riddled online photo-sharing service Instagram is the most popular social-networking site for teens. Ellen DeGeneres shot a celebrity group selfie at the Oscars and the photo practically broke the Internet, becoming the most retweeted picture in Twitter history.
And if you’re concerned about the humility of enhancing scenes by making yourself the focal point, remember this: Pope Francis takes selfies, too.
In a recent homily, the pope said: “Let us ask for the grace of having the wisdom to put ourselves on the margins, for the grace of humility so that we may receive the Lord’s salvation.”
But after his Palm Sunday homily in Saint Peter’s Square, the pontiff stepped out of the margins and got right in the frame, taking selfies with some of the young people in the crowd. That’s clearly a sign from on high that taking selfies is a selfless and humble act, and I hope Pope Francis will soon adopt my mantra and declare, in Latin or English, either is fine with me: “It’s not my fault that everything looks better when I’m standing in front of it.”
Of course there’s a slight problem with my newly minted philo-selfie. If everything looks better when I’m standing in front of it, how can I possibly bear to look at other people’s selfies? Those photos would be inherently subpar because they lack the crucial ingredient: me.
I’m sure you all feel the same about you-less selfies. So I’m calling on the tech community to develop an app that will superimpose a photo of the user in the foreground of other people’s selfies.
Say my buddy Bill catches a sunset of unimaginable beauty in the Badlands of South Dakota and quickly tweets out a photo of himself partially blocking that sunset with his bearded visage.
To make that photo interesting to me, the app will overlay an image of me flashing a wry grin. So my picture will be partially blocking Bill, who is partially blocking the previously amazing but now almost entirely obscured sunset.
That would be a photo I could appreciate. And if I retweeted it, others could use the app to put a picture of themselves over the picture of me over the picture of Bill over the now-forgotten sunset.
This opens the door for everyone to view what we value most: ourselves.
And that’s just fine. Because, as a wise me once said: “It’s not my fault that everything looks better when I’m standing in front of it.”
Rex W. Huppke / Chicago Tribune
Image credits: AP