LAST week, I shared the first set of helpful pointers I found from the book Top of the Class: How Asian Parents Raise High Achievers—and How You Can Too by Dr. Soo Kim Abboud and Jane Kim.
This week I continue sharing my learning from this book and the other fun school-year rituals I do with my kids.
Through teamwork, children learn that the likelihood of success is greater when individuals work together toward a common goal. Relationships are nurtured and social skills are developed as children learn how to best interact with other members of the team.
I encourage my kids to go beyond what’s expected of them when projects are assigned in school. This is a good practice when they start doing group work. My daughter and I enjoyed doing together her first election poster. I guided her in strategy and organizing her thoughts. I ensured the execution was 100 percent hers. I believe it’s important for kids to know and develop their own abilities.
Doing their projects for them regardless when they are 2 or 20 does not help their self-accountability and self-confidence.
Today, when group work comes, she likes leading the group. Her group mates appreciate her effort. And she is learning valuable soft skills including listening, suggesting and collaborating with other kids.
Have your child adopt the attitude that losing in one competition can help him win another—if he or she learns from his or her mistakes. A competitive spirit for me is intrinsic. Based on my experience, there are kids who are born more competitive than others. If your child is competitive, and is used to winning, “losing” should be a welcomed practice. If your child is happy where he or she is, it is your choice as a parent if you want to push or allow your child to stay steady.
My two kids represent these two types. My daughter is overly competitive. My son is more steady. In my opinion, one is not better than the other. Both have equal chances to realize their full potential. Since my goal is to raise happy and fulfilled children, my role is to guide each of them toward this goal.
When my daughter moved to her new school, she ran for class president. Like I mentioned earlier, I guided her in crafting her election poster. She lost. She was quite sad when she came home. I first hugged and kissed her. We talked about it. I shared to her my experiences when I was in school. She shared the possibilities on why she lost.
When the next election came, I thought she would aim for a lower position after losing the first time. She said she would like to try for president again. I reserved my opinion of running for a lower position, since she was fairly new in school.
I was out on a business trip, so I did not even see her preparations for her poster and speech. Over video conferencing, she told me she had it covered. True enough, she won that election.
For my son, I shared last week some ways I try to challenge him. I try to keep it fun. Games are a great way to introduce kids to competition.
In our weekly alone time, we play a lot of tic-tac-toe while waiting for the food. I do not allow any gadgets during meal times. The other rituals I do with my kids during the school year are:
- I bring them to school everyday until they reach first grade. In the car, we play different games from tangrams to writing Chinese characters on the window.
- Saturday is always game night. It is a day when we all relax. It is also that time I develop my kids’ “soft” skills in understanding instructions, or their reactions when they win or lose. More than this, it is our “goofy” night. We have done karaoke nights, dancing parties and even newscasting programs, where we all end up laughing so hard with each other.
- I surprise my kids when I can. I pick them up from school, and then we have McDonald’s chicken nuggets or Starbucks together.
As the book says, I want my kids to experience “the lifetime of joy [and pride!] that knowledge can bring”. It also states, “Depriving your child of a normal and happy childhood because of overly ambitious academic goals can have disastrous consequences.”
I was a consistent honor student since nursery, but I was most grateful for the realization that academic achievements do not ensure happiness and fulfillment. I’m not saying that being an honor student is not important. I’m just saying, “It’s not everything.” It’s a great feeling to receive the medals. I see the pride in my kids’ eyes when they go up the stage to receive a medal. But the happiness is no less when you spend time with your friends or enjoy doing a research project.
Laughter, friendship, love for work and great memories make a kids’ learning journey a neverending quest for what’s yet to come.