I WAS borne 8.8 lbs. at a hospital in Manila on a February afternoon. There were no ultrasound machines then, so my birth was not as joyous. My mom had a miscarriage before I was born and it was supposed to be a boy. I was left in the hospital for a couple of months.
My earliest memory of childhood was when I was 3 and I was being punished inside a washroom of Little Green School. I was too talkative at 3.
My next memory was not passing the entrance exam of my first big school at age 4 because I cried in front our principal. And so I studied a year of preparatory school, where I remembered having a tiny Chinese teacher who kissed me at the end of the school year and started my lifelong journey for learning. Me at 4, at my grandparents’ house, in my first preschool uniform.
My childhood was a gift of sorts. I had many people who loved me. First was my grand aunt, who reviewed with me each night and each morning because my memory was as poor as an 80-year-old’s—at age 4. I had a grandfather with whom I shared the love of pan de sal (local soft bun), bihon (glass noodles) and ube (yam) ice cream. And of course, I had my nanny, Manang Eyang, who was really a labandera (laundry lady); it was she who pushed me to do my best in school by rewarding me with Chippy.
My parents were both visionaries and hard workers. We were never made to feel less because we were all girls. My dad always believed we could achieve what any boy can, perhaps even better. My mother was a critic, like all mothers, but she showed us passion. I have siblings with distinct personalities. Our family dynamics were intense. Every move was focused on the business. Every meal was a discussion on work.
We used to live in Quezon City, with my dad’s family. Many of my best memories are in our study room downstairs. At 4, I remember painting there one afternoon. I remember learning at preschool that week to put some color on one side of the paper then folding it to create a mirror image. This began my journey into arts and colors. That night I told my mom I wanted to be a painter. She told me I was going to be a lawyer or a businesswoman because there was no money in painting. From that day on, I wrote lawyer-businesswoman in all the slum books of my friends.
As you might have gleaned, I love stories and personalities. I look at each person and experience as yet another book to know and love. I love reflecting on each experience; and thanking God each day for these stories to learn from, and to pass on to people around me. As I start to write this column on parenting, I hope to start with the premise that a parent’s life starts with our own lives. Who we were in the past, and who we have become, bear on how we are as parents. In my upcoming colums, I hope to share with you the journey and insights of finding oneself, pursuing who we are, sharing our gifts with others, and truly expanding our capacities in the process.
I’m a mother of two vibrant kids and a wife to an ever-understanding husband. I start the day early so I can bring my kids to school.
I work for my dad and get to work with my younger sister, who is almost like my “firstborn.” I value my role as granddaughter and niece. I enjoy spending time with the members of my husband’s family who have been real siblings and parents to me. I have colleagues at work who share my drive and passion, and, perhaps, have even more that I do. I have great friends, old and new, from school, work and outside work, whom I foster deep bonds with.
For each role, there is “work” to be done. Work for me is never confined within any four walls. Work for me has always been an opportunity to experience and learn. And, above all, work for me is its own reward.
Among all my roles, I guess the hardest for me to learn and manage was to be a working mom. This has been quite a long journey for me since my eldest is now turning 10 this year.
I have read so many books and articles. I have attended many talks by experts. Although there is still a lot to be done, the most important thing is I’m happy where I am today, as a parent to two funny, inquisitive, resilient and warm kids.
I bring my kids to work whenever I can. One time I was in a meeting and when I came back, my office had been rearranged. When I asked why, my kids said, “We are pretending to be on an airplane.” My son was the pilot and my daughter was the passenger.
What I have always stood by is convergence and consistency in my role as a mother and as an employee. I believe that “Motherhood is a gift to our workplace. And our work is a gift to Motherhood.”
Motherhood teaches us a lot of great values—to be patient, fair and nurturing. Whether we like it or not, we are role models to our kids, especially in their earlier years. Because of this, there is great accountability to be assumed. We are responsible for this gift of life and how it can contribute to society one day. I bring these values in being an effective leader to my people. On the flipside, the workplace throws us a myriad of tasks and experiences that hone our ability to efficiently manage situations. Strategic and long-term thinking methods have always proven effective in driving a company’s success.
More than this, I learn as much at work so I can use these experiences to teach my kids. I share with my kids what my day was like at work, and how I was able or not able to handle things. Meagan’s first trip with me to China. In every meeting, I would just leave her with a paper and pen to draw. She stayed quiet. In one of our last meetings in that trip, she suddenly told me to come to a corner and there she had her own selection of shoes for me to consider.
I will share more of this in detail next time but the most important thing is to not think that we need to pull ourselves apart to be good mothers and successful professionals. Work and motherhood is not a zero-sum game. It is a healthy commensalism where the grand prize is a better you.
****E-mail me at mommynolimits@gmail.com.