ALL of us would naturally experience first day jitters every time we join a new company. Human resources managers should provide newcomers with a comfortable atmosphere, which will hopefully lead into a seamless adjustment to the new company. In my professional career, I encountered various onboarding techniques to welcome new employees. In the Army and in most government agencies, for instance, the tradition of paying courtesy calls to the new leader allows a formal meet-and-greet kind of an interaction.
In one private company, I was given a guided and personalized tour of the company premises by no less than its president. In another company, my coworkers and I treated a new employee to lunch during his first week. All of these engagements structured or otherwise are designed to somehow manufacture stronger if not longer lasting relationships in the workplace, at least at the professional level.
Donald Clifton is the person behind a specialized company built to find exceptional employees popularly known as Gallup. One of his legacy innovations is Q12— a measure of 12 survey items that are supposedly the best indicators of employee engagement. One survey question that somehow baffles executives then and now was: “Do you have a best friend at work?” In his book, The Best Place To Work, author Ron Friedman shares valuable insights on the art and science of turning strangers in the office into a community of friends. Friedman believes that the ingredients in making friends are physical proximity, familiarity, similarity and self-disclosure. He thinks that acquaintances, that common start point in all employee relationships, can mature into friendships given the correct recipe. One study quoted by Friedman in his book revealed that employee retention increases by 50 percent whenever employees have friends at work. Another study has shown that informal connection among colleagues enhances work productivity. After all, happier workers, those presumably with friends at work, produce a better output on the job.
Without knowing what Friedman espoused in his book, some of my work colleagues initiated a series of activities in my house to simply unwind, relax and enjoy the fellowship of each other. What they did not know was that such activities were somewhat aligned with Friedman’s formula of creating long-lasting friendships. My work colleagues, Kooks and Jan, thought of doing a sleepover that entailed a potluck dinner, a home-cooked breakfast, an impromptu visit to the farm and baking carrot cupcakes—all in a span of 24 hours. My work colleagues even surprised me with a Happy Father’s Day celebration in advance, complete with the proper balloons, meaningful gifts, and community singing. Following Friedman’s formula, since most of us were located at the same floor at work, we practically interacted with each other on a daily basis. Due to sheer physical proximity and familiarity, I discovered some common interests among my colleagues at work, Kooks and Jan in particular. Over time, I learned that Kooks shares my passion in dogs and that Jan shares my passion in teaching. Over a few breakfasts and lunches in the office, I learned that both Kooks and Jan enjoy cooking and baking. Over the weekend, I learned that Kooks took some culinary courses whereas Jan taught home economics.
But, according to Friedman, one final component, which is the core of meaningful relationships, is self-disclosure. That is, sharing of one’s secrets. By analogy, if Friedman’s physical proximity, familiarity, and similarities are the flour, sugar, and butter to Kooks’ recipe for a carrot cupcake, then self-disclosure is the carrot, both of which are the essential ingredients. That’s why I was delighted near the end of our bonding activity seeing Kooks encouraging everyone to share their “pits and peaks” experienced during the first half of the year.
In the Bible, John 15:14-15 tells us: “You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” Jesus has shared to us everything that any of His friends should know through His Word. He even gave us a helper, the Holy Spirit within us, to assist us in knowing more about Him. In turn, we should genuinely reciprocate. As I continue to walk in faith, I share my personal struggles to Him through constant prayers in the same way I try to study the Bible every chance I get. Every time we disclose our innermost secrets to Him through confession, we inevitably get closer to Him. Our relationship with Him gets stronger.
For some, exposing personal secrets and vulnerabilities to a work colleague can be taken as a sign of weakness, or worse, a source of gossip. But, for me and for Friedman, such sharing of emotionally sensitive information in confidence is when we fortify the relationship and acquire real friends in the workplace. In turn, forged friendships in the workplace lead to enhanced work productivity. I truly appreciate those who openly revealed their emotionally sensitive struggles both at work and at home during that pits and peaks. These kinds of sharing, especially when done with sincerity, are the moments where perfect strangers can turn into lifelong friends.
For questions and comments, please e-mail me at sbmison@gmail.com.