PSYCHOLOGIST Erik Erikson said there’s this stage in late adulthood when people undergo critical conflict in their life called integrity versus despair. During this time, people reflect on their lives and get the feeling of either being satisfied or having a great sense of regret.
My grandfather Alejandro Miranda, 74, is currently undergoing this stage. I am one of his eight grandchildren. I became aware of his condition when I was in second year in college while taking up a psychology class.
It has been years since my lolo started changing. The change was gradual. First, he started acting up, making scenes to ensure he had his family’s undivided attention. He also does a lot of self-pitying. He does things that make members of his family ask what was the matter and sometimes get a little irritated because he was not like that before.
There was this instance when my grandfather went in my room and tried to have a conversation with me. Note that he never did that before. When we were talking, he started to question why I was reticent about sharing my day-to-day activities with him. I was surprised because he and I were not close; we rarely talked and he, of all people, rarely spoke with my aunts or me.
I started living with them when my lola was still alive. Now, my aunts and I are all surprised at how he wants us to be sweet to him.
It is not only my grandfather undergoing this phase in his life. Young people also experience regret about not doing certain things or giving more attention to petty, unimportant things over things we should prioritize.
The difference between young ones and older folks is overcoming this regret. Elderly people feel more pressured because their time is running out. We really cannot blame our grandfathers or grandmothers, or even our parents who are starting to age. Surely, they want more attention, they want to knit what’s tangled, to patch the holes, to add what was lacking before, to be better.
We need to be more understanding and patient with the elderly. Someday we are all going to be in their shoes.