WHEN we were kids, my brother and I were taught not to rely on our parents.
Harsh as it is, but yes, that was the way it had to be.
As the eldest, I was placed on a pedestal: to be a role model to my younger sibling. I was under everyone’s watch; they had high hopes and expectations for me—and the pressure was overwhelming! My emotions were in turmoil and I felt like a ticking time bomb.
I was scared to fail. I was afraid that if I made one miscalculated step, I would lose their love. So I worked hard for everything.
People would say that I am tough; that I am able to do things that an average person would not usually do. They say I am fearless, but they’re wrong.
Truth is, I am still scared. And as of this very day, I am damn scared, so I am doing everything literally afraid.
Defeating fear
WE define fear as a response expressed by an individual when one is confronted with an unknown threat or danger. It is a feeling of dread or apprehension when faced with uncertainties in life. Naturally, when we come across something that scares us, we tend to cower and go back to our safe place.
Here’s the thing: we cannot avoid being afraid, but we can do everything afraid. The most unfortunate truth that we have to face is that we will never conquer fear. It is literally hardwired into our brains and serves a very important evolutionary purpose.
Being fearless is not the absence of fear, but being used to it. By being exposed to the things that scare us, it helps us think critically and consider our options quickly during the most needed times.
One of the courageous things in life is learning to live with fear and dealing with it. You don’t defeat fear by evading it; you defeat it by accepting that you are afraid.
Most of us never attempt to do this. Instead of trying to understand and acknowledge fear, most of us go about our lives hiding and running from it, pretending to be invincible.
Well, guess what? It never works! But that’s what most of us do anyway. Abandonment of fear only exacerbates it. The paradox is found in understanding that we kill fear by embracing it.
‘Gamble and ride’
GROWING up being afraid, it was a battle within. I spent 90 percent of my time thinking about the things that I am afraid to do; 7 percent procrastinating; and 3 percent actually dealing with the fear.
One thing I learned was that, the more you think about the problem, the bigger it gets and the more afraid you become. That was when I realized that I can do nothing about the situation that I’m in, so I just dived in and let fate do the rest.
It is true that I am taking a risk by doing a blind shot and there is a higher probability that I might miss my target. But you see, you cannot get anywhere in life unless you learn how to gamble and ride onto your fear.
You just have to believe that everything will eventually fall into the right pieces. In times of adversity, we have to be resilient. We have to learn to live with fear and a have a strong state of mind to remain focused with our goals.
So if you’re at your wits’ end trying to decide what to do with your life, stop reciting the “what-if-I-fail?” litany. Just do it. It may not go the way you wanted it to be, but that is how you wage war against the fear that is holding your life back.
As I have said, you can never change anything in your life unless you take that one step out of your comfort zone.
Fear is one of the most universal human experiences, yet it is one of the most paralyzing things in life. It has been the cause of many unfulfilled and destroyed dreams. But it does not have to destroy yours.
Would you be willing to embrace your fear?