WHEN I was nearing 10 years old, I remember preparing all my most precious He Man toys in a green suitcase, ready to give it to my newborn brother. In the end, I was blessed to have a baby sister, which I vowed to take care of the minute she was born. I remember I was so afraid to leave her in the room without supervision, that I would volunteer to wash her clothes and diapers so the nanny could stay with her.
Our relationship can be described more like a sister-daughter relationship. Her Facebook post last Mother’s Day provides a glimpse of our dynamics. Below is part of that post:
I grew up with Maye as my “disciplinarian”, this “kontrabida” to KJ her way into my curfew, allowance and punishments. But growing up, I would tell people “she raised me” but really, it was still that little sister talking, that same little sister who would just copy whatever Maye liked from the favorite color purple, to liking Matchbox 20 and Sugar Ray because in my eyes, it was the “cool” thing, because I always thought she was the coolest sister to have.
But each year that I get older, I see more and more how much my sister is really an incredible mom to me, my niece, my nephew and even to my dad. In all my years of growing up, it’s only in the past 15 years that I truly agreed with the mama-themed songs. I have never met a person who will slice herself in as many ways needed just so she can help all of us even to the point of putting our well-being ahead of hers. She knows the importance of being psychologically healthy—that this is the only way to continue being selfless, sane and “whole”, despite everyone wanting a piece of you. One of the most valuable lessons I continuously learn from her.
We are 10 years apart, and now that I am 30, I still have miles and miles of dirt I need to work on myself. Today, Maye and I don’t share the same views on everything about life, but I know she loves me despite all my faults, despite our conflicts and despite how different we really are as individuals on this planet…and in many ways, I guess that is what a mother does. They don’t force you to conform to what they want you to be, they allow you and support you to be who YOU want to be, and making sure you know that they have your back every step of the way.
So to my sister, Maye Yao, thank you for rescuing me from the downward spiral to where I was headed, and making me believe that being a mom is really a beautiful and priceless job to have. I would to think that I am now “the cool one” but you will always still be the greatest person to have in my life.
Through these 30 years, I’ve seen my sister, Joan, go through a myriad of easy and challenging moments with such a positive disposition. We have worked together to live life with a strong inner core beyond external perceptions. My sister always thinks that she is lucky to have me. I thought to write an entry to show her how much I appreciate her.
As you can see in her post above, I’m blessed to have a sister who loves me unconditionally. She deals with my hard pushes and I’m a recipient of her thoughtful heart. My husband is lucky to have a great sister-in-law and my kids are also lucky to have the best aunt-sister you can find.
Below are the things, Joan, I wish you could teach my kids as they grow up:
CARE FOR PARENT. I admire how my you take care of Dad. I think this is the role of the youngest child but you’re really organized with Dad’s diet, medical files and household needs.
JOY-GRATITUDE. You always knows how to show gratitude. You know I work a lot in the car and found me a car adaptor for my Mac without me needing to ask.
RESILIENCE. With all the challenges you faced and continue to face, you don’t give up. You bounce back fast because you are point blank with your mistakes.
SEEKING “WHOLENESS”. I hope you can help my kids to build a life with a strong core and one filled with many facets.
FUN. Since I tend to be the serious one, thanks for always playing with my kids and providing so much laughter in their lives.
For me, I wish to continuously impart to her that, although childhood years matter, our present matters more. Our present allows us that time to decide on what our future would bring. As long as there’s accountability, win or lose, success is loving the journey and appreciating the genuine love that surrounds us.