LAST week I shared my views on screen time. This week let me continue sharing some of the age-by-age recommendations of Rachel Ehmke that I find useful:
GRADE-SCHOOL AGE KIDS (5 to 11)
Watch things together. If you’re worried that your kids are getting bad messages from the media, the best way to counteract them is to watch alongside your kids and point out when something isn’t right.
Screen time shouldn’t be all the time. The AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) recommends that parents set sensible boundaries on how much screen time is appropriate for their child. Just as important: designating media-free spaces, like bedrooms and the dinner table.
Be discerning…look out for things that are age-appropriate; can engage your child’s imagination; and have the right values
Don’t make screens the reward (or consequence).
Encourage other activities.
Be prepared for them to discover porn. Even if they’re not exactly looking for it, kids today can stumble onto pornography very easily. Curiosity is often a big motivator, so don’t be shy about having some frank, developmentally appropriate conversations about sex.
TWEENS AND TEENS (12+)
Keep modeling good tech behavior. It’s easy to let things slide once kids are older and have their own devices, but remember that the old rules still apply.
Encourage privacy. Once kids have turned 13, they are allowed to get an account on Facebook and most other social-media web sites and apps (some kids cheat and get them earlier)…research privacy settings.
Yes to friending, no to spying. If your child is on social media, developmental psychologist Donna Wick of Mind to Mind Parent recommends that you follow or friend him, and monitor his page. But she advises against going through text messages unless there is cause for concern.
Make it clear that naked pictures are a bad idea (and explain why). Sometimes kids think sharing photos is a way to build trust, but it can do the opposite just as easily.
Texting can be tricky. Warn kids that it’s easy for people to misinterpret messages when they aren’t hearing the tone of your voice, or seeing the expression on your face.
All these pointers are great guidelines. But in reality, we all know it’s easier said than done. Initially, I thought to “wing” my rules as I go but I realized, it is harder to correct the effects. Since I have a daughter and a son, I also saw that there are slight differences in guiding each in their digital world.
For both kids, I limited screen time to 20 minutes a day to watch Brainy Baby or Baby Einstein until they were 2 years old. I focused on audio tools more. I would have foreign language, math and English audio books playing at the background while they were playing. It was also helpful that we segregated their toys by type in crates. The crates were divided into blocks, animal figures, cooking utensils, music instruments, books to read and drawing materials.
As they grew older, I tried my best to show them two sides of technology. One is for learning information. The other is for “relaxing” entertainment. If they can do both, I tell them that’s the best combination. However, at times when they go overboard, I always challenge them why they look more tired if they are supposed to be relaxing.
For Marcus, now 8, his screen time has always been limited to “no school” days only. I noticed at first that he’d literally be awake at 6 am to maximize the time. He would want to stay on almost the whole day and stop only during meal times, and you could see his “zombie” eyes after. I corrected it by finding toys that combine screen and physical play like Lego dimensions. I also scheduled the “no school” days with other activities he liked, like basketball, family game and sports activities to cut screen time. It helps that I announce this at the beginning of the day.
For Meagan, now 11, reading books and art limits her screen time. Her social network is on group chats with friends and family. She likes to watch Draw Your Life, Superwoman and TedEd. She also likes watching some Netflix shows. I taught her about looking at the PG ratings of shows before watching. I saw the benefit of casually being in the same room while I “read” or “work”. Meagan would also often share the videos to me and would openly ask questions.
I will end this topic by picking some words from Meagan’s recent essay on technology: “In conclusion, technology could be a really good thing; but if used too much, [it] could be harmful to humans in general. Be sure the internet is used efficiently, safely and responsibly.”