Every November 1, we remember our loved ones who have gone before us and whose loss we feel.
The big question, however, is, “Can you ever really get over losing a loved one?
Dr. Mariel Kristine T. Rubia, a licensed psychologist and PhilCare’s Director for Corporate Mental Health, recently discussed in a webinar on how to manage grief and mental health.
“Grief is a response to a loss. When you have experienced loss it is natural to feel a wide range of emotions and you might feel overwhelmed by grief,” said Dr. Rubia who also lost her father last month.
Grief, she added, is a powerful emotional and physical reaction to the loss of someone or something. It is characterized by deep feelings of sadness and sorrow, and often by a powerful yearning or longing to be with that person again. It is just more than sadness.
“There are other effects of grief such as feeling numb and empty as if there is no meaning to anything,” Dr. Rubia said.
Grief is also physical, she said, for one might be struggling to eat or sleep, or might feel sick in the stomach.
Waves of grief
Dr. Rubia said that every time a person remembers his loved one, “these feelings may come in waves and it may toss from one to another.”
Having these feelings, she said, is normal part of grieving despite the pain.
“The process of grieving is an important part of how we come to terms with loss,” she said adding that waves of grief can feel like they come from nowhere or can be triggered when you are reminded of the person that you have lost.
“With time, the size of the waves tends to lessen. You will experience many firsts as you navigate life without your loved one,” she furthered.
Circumstances affecting how you grieve
Dr. Rubia also elaborated the circumstances affecting the grieving person. These include a death that is anticipated and expected; one that is sudden and unexpected and one that is traumatic or violent.
She also shared the TEAR model of grief researcher William Worden. T stands for “to accept the reality of loss.” E means “experiencing the pain of the loss.” A means “adjusting to a new life without the lost person while R stands for “reinvestment in the new reality.”
The TEAR Model of Grief illustrates these four tasks of mourning which are to accept the reality of the loss; to work through the pain of grief; to adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing and to find an enduring connection with the deceased while embarking on a new life.
Meanwhile, to cope with grief, Dr. Rubia said that there important things to remember or do. These include rituals and customs, expressing your grief, making a memory box, telling your grief story, tackling avoidance, feel the story of your loved one, writing a letter to your loved and getting in touch with the part of your grief.
Grief counselling
Dr. Rubia also encouraged those who are grieving to see a professional especially if they feel that they can no longer take care of themselves, can no longer move forward, feel stuck and that this feeling has been going on for more than a year.
“Do not allow yourself to grieve for more than a year. If you cannot move forward, do something. See a professional and try to open up about your feelings for it will really, really help,” Dr. Rubia encouraged.
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