DO you like yourself? This is probably one of the questions people would shy away from, or would not know how to answer. While there are some who would confidently say they like themselves, others would admit they have not outgrown their self-consciousness, or still carry within themselves the critical voices of their parents and friends.
When your insecurities get in the way of relating with others, it becomes a stumbling block even to your professional growth. It limits your opportunities for knowing significant people in the organization and could even hinder you from discovering new ways of doing things and improving your work. How, then, can you like yourself more?
You need to start with how you see yourself in relation to how others see you. Carefully examine how you react to others and what goes through your head when talking to them so you can further identify what is causing you to react or think that way. Your self-awareness will help you ground yourself, empathize better with others, and be more confident in your dealings with them. Knowing how you react gives you a better control of your emotions and thoughts, which in turn helps you deal with others better.
To boost your self-worth and like yourself better, make a list of your achievements. Too often, we make so many demands on ourselves that we forget what we have already accomplished. Stop and take stock of what you have already accomplished so you can draw inspiration for your next ventures and remember the lessons from past experiences.
There will be things you will not be good at anymore and that is okay. Nobody is perfect. Accept that personal or professional circumstances have stopped you from doing other things and that life has led you to another path. Some people linger in the past and forget to live in the present that they make unnecessary demands on themselves and from others just so they can relive their glory days. Accepting where you are in your life helps you to see what is good in your life right now, helping you appreciate and like yourself better.
Stop comparing yourself to everybody. Your life is as original as it can get because nobody has the same life experiences as yours. The sooner you accept that who you are now is the product of the circumstances of your life and the decisions you have made, the sooner you will accept who you are. I am not saying that you should not improve yourself. What I am saying is that if you want to change, expect that change will not happen overnight, and that you might have to be deliberate and steadfast with your choices.
One of the best things you can do now is to do something that you enjoy. We become more comfortable in our own skin when we do something we like. Hobbies have a way of helping us reset and enjoying ourselves without feeling guilty. It re-energizes us and helps us become more attuned to our own well-being, and gives us a sense of accomplishment without having to work so hard for it.
To help you see your good attributes, surround yourself with people who truly like you for who you are. True friends will accept you for who you are but at the same time, they will tell you of the things you need to improve. Being surrounded with people you can let your hair down will keep you grounded to who you really are and help you appreciate what you have accomplished.
Learn to accept compliments. This was one of the most important lessons I learned from a missionary friend who was diagnosed with lupus. She taught me that we should thank people when they compliment us because it is a validation of what they see in us. Culturally, we tend to shy away and dismiss compliments. But accepting compliments is a way of owning the good thing said about us and at the same time, shows appreciation to the person who noticed. So when someone compliments you, accept it and thank the person.
When things go awry and you cannot do anything about it, forgive yourself. A bad day at work does not mean you will fail at everything the entire time. These are temporary setbacks which can be remedied with persistence and practice. You need to let go and forgive yourself for things that have already happened. The best thing you can do is to tell yourself you have done everything you could and then learn from the experience. Take the lessons with you and do your work better the next time.
There will be times when failure will rear its ugly head but do everything you can to silence the critical voice inside you. More often than not, your family has the biggest influence in your life and it is not surprising that the critical voice that we hear is mostly from a loved one. It is not easy to do this but your list of accomplishments and some of the things above can silence it.
When my hair started turning gray in my late 20s, I felt self-conscious because I felt it was too soon for me to have gray hair. There came a point where I felt it was too much maintenance and I just stopped coloring it. There were some who urged me to have it colored and there were some who thought my gray hair made me look more distinguished. At that time, I worked with managers and executives, and I felt it was to my advantage to keep the gray hair. Since then, I have not colored my hair. And I do not think I will color my hair ever again because I like it as it is.
Liking yourself boils down to knowing your strengths and acknowledging that there are some things you still need to work on. It is being comfortable with who you are but keeping an open mind to improving yourself. You have to realize that people will always have a say in whatever way you live your life, so go ahead and go with what makes you happy. In the end, that is all that really matters.
Image credits: Charlie Howell on Unsplash