WORKING with others entails sustaining a good working relationship even if you do not like the other person. In a work environment, professional relationships are maintained if you do your work well and everybody accords one another a certain degree of respect and mutual advantage. However, to expand your network and ensure you have key people you can tap when you need help, you first need to establish good working relations with them. And it all begins with being likable.
Some people are naturally friendly and charming, and people are easily drawn to them. For others, it is something they need to work on deliberately because they do not have the social exposure nor the opportunity to deal with different kinds of personalities. Wherever you are in the range of likability, your ability to draw people will help you collaborate with others and open opportunities for professional and personal growth. Below are some of the ways you can become more likable.
Try to be as approachable as possible. It goes without saying that people are drawn toward others who are approachable and easy to talk to. Pay attention to the language you use and the way you say things because people pick up on these nuances. Most of the time, we are not even aware of it and a trusted friend might be needed to point out our abrasive language or the way we deal with others. Be mindful of what your friends are telling you so that you can correct yourself.
Actively listen to what your coworkers are saying about their work or personal lives. If you meet the person for the first time, use their name as often as you can in the conversation to make them feel important. When talking to people in succeeding meetings, try to mention details of what they said to you before, so they know that you cared enough to listen. This is especially important if you are handling a team because this indicates to them that you have their best interest at heart.
When someone is speaking to you, listen with all your body. Your body language indicates whether you are interested, and your ears should not be doing all the work. Keep a modest amount of eye contact and try to naturally point your entire body toward the person you are talking to. If you are sitting down, you can lean in to indicate undivided attention and interest. Never cross your arms, and keep an open stance to show that what they are saying is important.
Put down your phone or put it away so it will not distract you. In this age, putting away your phone shows that they have your full attention. Our mobile devices have made us more reachable and has made every little issue an emergency. To create genuine connections with people, you need to immerse yourself wholeheartedly into the conversation so you can understand the other person better. When you know what motivates them, it becomes easier for you to relate with them and empathize. This will help you become more gracious and tactful when speaking with them.
Early in the working relationship, set clear boundaries of what you deem as acceptable behavior and graciously call out what you think are inappropriate behavior. There is wisdom in Aristotle’s saying that “a friend to all is a friend to none.” While it is important that you are likable in the workplace, that does not mean that you should be liked by everyone in the office because there will always be people who will not like you for whatever reason.
But you need to be friendly enough that when they work with you, they will be professional and cooperative. You cannot spend your time winning over and being liked by everyone by saying yes to everything they ask from you because they will expect it from you all the time. Setting clear boundaries at the start helps prevent future conflicts later and ensures that you and the people you work with understand what they need to do to keep the work going.
If you need to win someone over, a technique you can use is to ask them for a small request like, say, lending you their pen. The idea is to ask them something they can easily do and when they do it, they will subconsciously justify in their head why they lent you the pen, and it will somehow make them think that they might like you on some level. This makes it easier for another request. This is what is referred to as the foot-in-the-door technique. Use this to befriend work mates who do not like you.
Strive to discover similarities with the person you are working with so you can talk about it. People are drawn to others who have similar hobbies, interests, or even concerns. Similarities can help people lower their own barriers and take an interest in what you have to say. You are perceived to be more like them so they will find it easier to relate to your other experiences.
Stop over-complaining. Nobody wants to be around one who always has a negative thing to say with just about everything. While it is true that we need to maintain a certain level of excellence in our work, it would not help if you keep on complaining without doing anything about it. There are better ways of managing subpar work at the office, and it would do you well to explore alternative ways of handling it than through complaining.
Being more likable also depends on whether or not you like yourself. You need to be confident and what you can contribute to the group. You can do all the things above, but if you do not like yourself, it will all come off as mechanical and forced. Ultimately, you need to like yourself so you can have the confidence to meet others and make them like you, too. n
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