In June, 22-year-old Harrison Pawluk filmed himself staging a “random act of kindness,” giving a bunch of flowers to an older woman sitting alone in a Melbourne food court.
His video went viral on TikTok, attracting 57 million views within a week. Comments on the post included, “when she started crying, I couldn’t hold it back” and “wow that was so beautiful I swear I would cry.”
Acts of kindness can boost well-being for the giver, the recipient, and even the viewers of selfless acts. Social media influencers have found ways to commodify this by presenting them as random and unexpected.
But this gesture was interpreted by Maree, the woman targeted for the video, as an artificially staged production that left her feeling “dehumanized” and like “clickbait” for tabloid fodder.
In the media, individuals aged over 60 are often depicted as a homogeneous group of elderly people who lack personality, social identity or individuality. It’s not just a “random act of kindness.” Pawluk’s actions—and some of the media coverage—unearths a much bigger problem of “benevolent ageism.”
What is benevolent ageism?
Benevolent ageism is where these every day biases manifest in the belief that older people need special “help” or “support.” The concept manifests in the way people sometimes use pet names or baby talk to address older people; an emphasis on pitying people above a certain age; or the importance placed on “protecting” older people during the Covid pandemic.
Commenters on Pawluk’s video said “[the flowers] made her feel so good and it looks like she might have needed it,” “she is so cute” and “I miss my grandma!.”
Benevolent ageism leads to false assumptions or inaccurate and limiting stereotypes about older people being “warm but not competent” and lacking individuality.
In Pawluk’s video, Maree is framed as being sad and alone. Speaking to ABC Radio, Maree expressed frustration at being presented as “the elderly woman who drank a takeaway cup of coffee.”
“It’s the patronizing assumption that women, especially older women, will be thrilled by some random stranger giving them flowers,” she told the ABC.
Our implicit biases
Benevolent ageism is hiding in plain sight. Age discrimination commissioner Kay Patterson calls ageism “the least understood form of discriminatory prejudice” and “more pervasive and socially accepted than sexism and racism.”
A recent report from the World Health Organization shows one in every two people shows moderate to high levels of ageist attitudes, with their definition of ageism encompassing stereotypes (how we think), prejudice (how we feel) and discrimination (how we act) towards others or oneself based on age.
Internalized ageism, in which we unconsciously hold these own ageist attitudes against ourselves, negatively impacts our functional health as we age and can even shorten our own lifespan.
Stereotypes facing older women
When interviewed by The Project, Pawluk apologized to Maree. He claims he does not target people based on their age. But the assumptions made about Maree—and other women to whom he has offered flowers—are embedded in age-old stereotypes about older women: that they are sad or lonely, and in need of support.
There is nothing wrong with greeting another person regardless of their age. But the framing of this TikTok video is a clear example of ageist stereotypes manifesting as a show of concern. This social media craze of capturing supposed “random acts of kindness” can have the undesired effect of diminishing the perceived social value of the target to whom the protagonist is trying to show kindness.
We should take this as a moment to pause and address our own unconscious biases and our subtle forms of everyday ageism of the benevolent kind. The Conversation