Many businesses and work places are starting to re-open, and everyone is allowed to go out and mix with others, relatively unencumbered by health protocols. The question now is, are we willing to return to the fast-paced juggling, bustle culture, and the multitasking that seemed “normal” before the pandemic?
My answer is an unqualified NO.
One thing that the pandemic has taught me is that personal care should be the first priority. Now that we are in the living-with-Covid phase of the pandemic, even experts tell us not to forget to take care of ourselves. Life is more valuable now more than ever.
For me, personal care starts with creating more breathing space. Not just because physical distancing prevents infection but also because more space means less stress, better for my physiological and mental health, not to mention spiritual health too.
It took the longest lockdown for some of us to re-discover the joy of isolation, that sometimes space is necessary to realize what our needs and priorities are and how we can best take care of ourselves, separate from our relationships with others who may have been suffocating us without knowing it.
This is why it is vital to strive to maintain our own private space and have some uninterrupted time to ourselves so that we can get in touch with our inner selves for mental and spiritual refreshment and a little bit of self-reflection.
If you have to renew connections with friends, mates and colleagues, make the connections that really matter. Not the connections that waste your time with superficial and toxic chitchat. Choose and cultivate relationships that are un-stressful, meaningful, enriching and help you become a better and greater person.
In my case I now tell my work mates or partners what day and what time I would be available and I gently advise them to message me in advance if they want to contact me. My cellphone is always on silent mode so I can maintain my equilibrium throughout the day, checking messages only at certain intervals.
Even married couples should give each other space so as to avoid exhausting each other’s oxygen and suffocating each other. While spending quality time with one’s partner is important, it’s equally important to spend quality time with yourself. Giving ourselves space allows us to still maintain individuality.
I have been trying to look for a Filipino term that can express this idea of space in between. I don’t like “espasyo” because that is an imported word. Could it be “puwang?” Sometimes when an attire is too tight, we say “luwagan mo naman para makahinga ako.” Perhaps “paluwagan” comes near because it is a term we use for a payment mode that gives the debtor an easier and “looser” way to pay back what he owes.
I think the old Japanese concept of “tsubo niwa” may also express this idea of necessary oases in our congested life. I learned about it from watching a short video on the NHK channel. “Tsubo-niwa” refers to a mini indoor garden, which is a key feature of some traditional Japanese homes. It is designed to provide a touch of nature, bringing in a little sunlight to an otherwise dark living room as well as allow the breeze to ventilate the interior of a small home. It is often set up where it can be seen by the home occupants while relaxing, hosting a guest or having a meal.
But beyond its practical functions, the “tsubo niwa” is a special place that engages the senses, evokes one’s sense of wonder and beauty, and connects the person to the natural world even in the midst of a busy congested city.
As one Japanese designer of “tsubo niwa” gardens says: “…it’s about emotion, atmosphere, a sense of contemplation. You try to move people with what you do.” Thus an inner garden is a special place for relaxation and transformation, an isolated space where new breath can be infused into a weary body drained of strength and spirit.
The South Koreans have found a way to build self-healing private spaces into their busy schedules. They visit special cafes, where they can stare at clouds and trees. And customers, mostly the stressed out individuals, are paying for these moments of privacy and isolation.
Once inside, no one is allowed to talk. Phones must be silent. No shoes allowed. The rules have one aim. Relax. Just space out or blank out.
They call it “hitting mung,” which is a Korean slang phrase that roughly translates to “spacing out.” I remember one Buddhist admonition that says: “Don’t just stand there doing something, sit and do nothing.” Quieting the mind is a healthy practice.
The Korean word “mung” refers to a state of blankness. Comparable to the Zen Buddhist principles of reaching a state of blissful blankness in the mind, it’s another take on meditation or mindfulness.
Nothing is the new something in South Korea.
This could also be related to another Japanese concept of “ma.” It can be described as empty space, as a gap between one thing and another, or as a pause within movement or flow.
The “ma” of the moment can be the quiet that many of us need in the midst of our busy lives to find stillness, peace, and meaning in who we are and what we do.
I can have my “ma” moment or do my spacing out anywhere. In between appointments, I sit down in a noisy fast-food restaurant and read a book, oblivious to the white noise around me. Or I look for an empty bench to watch streaming images on my cellphone to calm the mind before a meeting. Even young people know how to space out while inside the LRT by plugging their ears and connecting to their music files, blanking out the surroundings.
So as you go back to your workplace, be mindful of the spaces in between in all aspects of your life. Learn to say no to overly intrusive relationships. Jealously guard the invisible spaces in between you and the people and situations in your life and work. Only in this way can you preserve your inner core, which in our language is “kaloob-looban.”
Keep in mind the lines from an old Japanese poem:
Walls with windows and doors form the house, though the space within them is the essence of the house.