October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. To spread awareness, let me share my cancer healing journey and the lessons I have learned so far.
I discovered a suspicious lump in my left breast a few days before I celebrated my 58th birthday on February 9, 2020. The nipple in my left breast retracted. The skin also felt thicker and rougher than that of my right breast. Yet, I didn’t feel any pain. The first ever mammogram I had in my life led to an ultrasound, then a biopsy, and breast surgery before February ended. The first lesson that cancer taught me is not to delay action once you are told that there is a malignant tumor in your body.
Cancer is not a Netflix movie that you can schedule to see. It is a Ninja disease, a master of stealth. It expands, grows bigger, and moves to more places, when ignored. My breast surgeon oncologist, Dr. Norman San Agustin of the Asian Breast Center, said that I may have been cradling this tumor for two years. My ignorance and inaction had caused me six out of seven lymph nodes, and the loss of my left breast. If you feel a lump in any part of your body, have it tested. If you do have a malignant tumor, the faster you get rid of it, the longer you will live. When you have cancer and prefer to not know it, then you die. Don’t wait for a miracle to happen. The miracle may be in you, fighting to live instead of pretending to be okay.
As a child and until now, I am terrified of injections. Anything with a needle at its tip scares me to death. Ironically, I now need those injections to shoo away death. My first chemotherapy session had to be postponed because every time the nurse would insert an IV needle into my vein, the vein would collapse. I had so many failed needle insertions that my hand turned black and blue from all the bruises. I cried so much from the pain. If my veins kept collapsing, then how in the world can I complete my 8 cycles of chemotherapy? The answer? Port-a-cath. Also known as “port,” it is a medical device that is surgically placed in one of the blood vessels near the heart. Instead of sticking a needle in a vein, my nurse would simply access my port for blood extraction and chemotherapy infusions. No more painful searches for viable veins, and traumatic blood extraction procedures.
I learned that technology and science have made cancer treatments more humane now than ever before. When accessing my port, for example, nurses at the Makati Medical Center’s cancer center use numbing cream as topical anesthetic then they use an anesthetic spray before they insert a needle into my port. I hardly feel the needle break through my skin. Mammograms are also now pain-free. I never forgot how a friend complained about how much she cried during her mammogram. Well, that was decades ago. Digital mammograms stop short of squashing your boob like a pancake. And they are affordable! Don’t believe the cancer movies of yore, where patients throw up every minute and have dark circles around their eyes. I never felt nauseous during and after chemo because of the excellent drugs that doctors prescribe.
The second lesson I learned from having cancer is the critical importance of choosing the best doctors. My oncologist, Dr. Charles Vincent Uy, just recently turned 35 years old. He is as young as my only daughter. And yet, throughout my cancer battle, Doc Charles, is my doctor and life coach as well as Kdrama advisor all rolled into one.
Whenever I share with him my anxieties, he would remind me, “You made it through the first four cycles, despite all your fears, and before you know it, you have completed the entire treatment plan. Trust yourself and let God take control.” My doctor, young as he is, has no specific office hours. I see him online and we chat. I send him Viber messages. I follow him on Instagram and he follows me back. We don’t do office hours. We converse, online. To me, God sends us angels, and Doc Charles, Doc Norman, and all my other doctors and nurses, are angels in human form.
The third lesson that having cancer taught me is the power of positivity. People ask me why do I appear so cheerful even when I have bald spots on my head, a missing boob, and weekly chemotherapy infusions of at least two straight hours each? Honestly, I don’t know why. There are days when I am reading something or watching a series on Netflix and dark thoughts would cloud my mind. Suddenly, I have visuals of coffins and people crying, and the inevitable am-I-going-to-die question—all part of the gloom parade. I shoo those thoughts away. Negative thoughts are the dead end street of hope. Positive thoughts make you want to hug the sunrise when you wake up in the morning.
The fourth lesson that cancer taught me is that love heals. This fight is for my 35-year-old daughter whom I love beyond words. I want to see my beautiful and smart daughter, Estelle, have a family of her own. I also want to repay the love of my life partner, Fort Jose, who goes with me to each chemotherapy session, and cheers me up when I’m down. With Fort and Estelle by my side, I want to see the tiny rambutan tree in our garden grow tall and bear fruits. I want to travel the world with them and sit in cafes and read a good book. I want to write more. I want to help people just because I can. I want to give love and get love back. I want to offer God the more reasons to smile. I want my guardian angels to be happy and Mama Mary to be proud.
The fifth lesson that cancer taught me is to believe that God will provide. Had I not renewed my health insurance before the end of December last year, I would be heavily in debt right now given the cost of cancer treatments. My health insurance, Philippine AXA Global Health Access, has stood by me and has been a reliable partner in my treatments. Padre Pio said: “Pray. Hope. Don’t worry.” I live by that message. Don’t lend money to others when you can’t even invest in your own health insurance. As the pandemic keeps teaching us, good health is the best wealth.
For those who have someone they love facing cancer or undergoing cancer treatments, here is perhaps the best thing to say: “I may not know exactly what you are going through, but I am here for you. You don’t need to go through this alone.”
I still have eight more weekly chemotherapy sessions to go through. I intend to show up for each one. Because I have cancer, my advocacies have expanded from OFW concerns to also include cancer awareness and patients’ rights. I am reinvigorated by this new purpose in life. I believe that our journey on Earth is but an audition. If you believe in eternal life, and I pray that you do, then the hard work to fulfill it starts now. Father Jerry Orbos, SVD, a lung cancer survivor, said, “ The rest of your life, the best of your life.”
I am living the best of my life now, thanks to the cancer that I never thought I’d ever have.
Susan V. Ople heads the Blas F. Ople Policy Center and Training Institute, a nonprofit organization that deals with labor and migration issues. She also represents the OFW sector in the Inter-Agency Council Against Trafficking.
3 comments
Keep your positive thoughts Ma’ m Susan & I know you’ re journey of battling breast cancer will also help & inspire others afflicted by said illness. I,too will also undergo diagnosis & further treatment of my former breast operation as I had also a lump in my left breast ( my former breast operation is in the right). My worries is how can I have access with oncologist & best treatment considering I am financially hard up recently & I asked God’ s guidance & leading to provide me financially to pursue the further treatment & possible operation.
Hey Mam Toots, Annie here, i have breast cancer first in 2012 – removed my left breast and last year july 2019, my right breast was removed. I undergo natural health protocols from Philippine Breast Cancer network and take supplements for lungs, lymph, probiotics and mushroom based capsule targeting cancer cells. I go for breast thermal
imaging instead of scanning etc. toxic procedures. I drink lots of turmeric tea, i’m still vegetarian and my juicer machine makes it easy for me to make juice from sugar beet, carrot, radish, marble potato and celery stalk, 600 grams altogether and i have a menu of juices. like you when i had breast cancer in 2012 it became my advocacy to promote awareness and give listening ears to women with breast cancer. I didnt opt for chemo and I am perfectly fine. last year in October and for 42 days i had detox using coffee enima- boiled kapeng barako, palamigin at isalin sa labatiba bucket tapos sa anus ang daan, let the coffee stay for max 15 minutes bago ilabas lahat. Walang namamatay sa breast cancer kaya nga buhay pa tayo kahit nawalang ng suso, yung metastasis sa vital organs, lungs, kidney, liver, heart at brain ang causes ng death na nagsimula sa breast cancer. Next time we see each other hindi lang ofw at labor kuwentuhan natin- breast cancer pa. Masaya ako at your healing journey is effective. Hope to see you soon kahit online po!
Love you, my friend! Praying for you and love watching your hope, your strength and your phenomenal spirit!