IN our childhood, two of the first English words we learned were “close” and “open.” In our more mature years, understanding the deeper significance of close and open can often make a difference in our relationships with loved ones and other people.
Just across our street is a house where a family of four live. The husband and wife used to be very neighborly. The homely wife would often come out of the house and gaily chat with the neighbors. When the seafarer husband was at home in between assignments, he would be invited by neighbors for a round of drinks. His peculiar loud, boisterous laugh could be heard throughout the neighborhood until the wee hours of the morning.
As the years went by, we could see that the family was becoming more and more materially prosperous. He bought three brand-new cars at one time. Then neighbors began to notice that when the husband was at home, he would no longer go out and join them for a round of drinks. Even the wife became choosy with whom she wanted to chat with.
To accommodate their three vehicles, the family demolished their front garden and built a large garage, spanning the entire frontage of the house, which they then completely enclosed with a high iron gate. From the outside, it looks more like a fortress than a house. There is not even a pedestrian gate. Bill collectors and mail delivery men have to knock on the wide iron gate and wait for a long while, before the owner would open one side of the iron gate and peep out. The family had closed its gate on the people in our neighborhood.
Noting all these, the rest of us in the same street just shrugged our shoulders or shook our heads. Praning is the word they use to describe their new attitude.
So enclosed was the house fortress that for a long while we didn’t have any clue of what’s happening inside. But that was up to a few days ago when the tranquility of our neighborhood was disturbed by the arrival of several barangay personnel in a van who suddenly banged on the iron gate at the said residence. Who and what could it be now, we wondered, strenuously stretching our necks like giraffes from inside our fences.
To cut to the chase, we learned from nosey neighbors that a daughter was found Covid positive and so everybody inside that house had to be quarantined. Barangay tanods in two shifts were assigned to watch over them round the clock. For at least two weeks the fortress house will serve as a virtual prison as the whole family is forbidden to go out. When neighbors walk by their quarantined house, they would veer toward the opposite side of the street and take brisker steps, as if the infection would get them if they came near the house. Pariah, that’s how they’re now perceived.
They closed their gate on the neighborhood and now it’s the neighbors’ turn to shut the gates of neighborliness in their face. It is ironic because the fear of home invasion virus that caused them to lock themselves from the rest of the neighborhood, but another kind of virus has somehow found a way to sneak in.
But there’s another kind of gate closing that we need to guard against. It’s closing the gate of the mind, especially as it pertains to religious beliefs. I know someone who has become rigidly dogmatic in practicing his Catholic faith since he joined an extremely conservative Catholic organization. Before the pandemic, he used to go to mass every day and pray the Angelus faithfully at noontime and at 6 in the evening. He proudly wears his scruples on his sleeve. He would berate any subordinates caught cursing or looking at nude pictures. He will not tolerate anything that is outside the confines of his dogmatic beliefs: homosexuality, premarital sex, abortion, legal separation, just to mention a few.
He will cut you off when there is a discussion that is going against his dogmatic beliefs. For example, divorce and homosexuality are closed topics for him. For him there are no ifs and buts. His intolerance toward gays is surprising because during his 20s, he used to be not only tolerant but also friendly with gays, gamely picking up their lingo and mimicking the way they speak, although as far as I know he was not a homosexual. He suddenly stayed away from a very close friend when the guy separated from his wife (by mutual agreement) and subsequently fell in love with another woman. My “morally ascendant” friend would pretend to be civil to him when they happened to meet but he would secretly express his disapprobation in so many words, almost to the point of condemnation, because “he is living in sin.”
It’s a drastic turnabout because he used to be very open about life and everyone. He would frequent beer gardens, flirt with the girls, and dabbled in black magic, astral travel and out of body experiences. He even smoked grass. Now he has moved to the extreme opposite, enclosed in an iron fortress of moral self-righteousness. Indeed, a little dogmatic knowledge can be dangerous.
Having convictions is not a bad thing, but strong beliefs do not automatically exclude an open mind. Being open-minded means having the ability to consider other perspectives and trying to be empathetic to other people, even when you disagree with them.
In the workplace, if you are not open to other ideas and perspectives, it is difficult to see all of the factors that contribute to problems or come up with effective solutions. It is important that we acquire that ability to step outside our comfort zone and consider other perspectives and ideas even if they come from people we dislike.
This doesn’t mean that being open-minded is necessarily easy. Being open to new ideas and experiences can sometimes be confusing or unsettling at times when we learn new things that conflict with existing beliefs. However, being able to change and revise outdated or incorrect beliefs is an important part of learning and personal growth.
According to the Austrian born Jewish philosopher Martin Buber, dialogue is the only effective form of communication in contrast to one-sided expression of opinions. His most known saying is “all real living is meeting.” The word “meeting” assumes a conversation and a necessity to listen to the other. It cannot happen when the gates of the mind and heart are closed and shut tight.
I came across Buber’s work in my Philosophy class. I gravitated to his thinking because he showed love and hope for humanity. His existential philosophical piece, entitled “I-Thou” is a philosophical discussion on how we relate to others, consciously and unconsciously, and what makes us human.
In the I-Thou encounter, we relate to each other as authentic beings, without judgment, qualification, or objectification. I meet you as you are, and you meet me as who I am. What is key is that you bring an open and sincere heart and mind to the other.
Rather than looking down at someone as a single mother, a homosexual, or a pedicab driver, we can perceive the other as a human person with a name and a personal story to share. It is this type of connection to others on several levels that can only lead to true relating and compassion for one another.
Even between a man and wife, an open honest dialogue can reveal something they never said or heard before, and from which they may emerge irrevocably changed for the better.
Dialogue is what seems to be missing in our way of grappling with this run-away pandemic. Our leaders have barricaded themselves into thinking that only they know best. But people are tired of their old approaches. We need new ideas, new approaches to get this rampaging virus under control. Politics should be set aside at this critical moment. We need to listen more to each other, especially to our scientific community. Let’s not be closed. But rather, let’s work closely together.
It is a happy paradox that the more we open our gate and allow the other to enter, the closer and more loving we become to one another.