LAST week I shared the different kinds of isolation we might be feeling in the face of this pandemic. I pointed out the need to be aware and accept what we are missing. This week, I would like to share my view on isolation. I hope that amid all the anxieties of when this pandemic will come to an end, we can actually find hope together.
PERSONAL ISOLATION
MUCH of our activities now involve staying at home. Even when we are at work or outside, we need to do social distancing. There are no meetings and no casual talks. What can we do with all this “alone time”?
From what I suggested last week, I hope you were able to gather photos and reflections. Now, get a blank piece of paper and draw a big T. On the left, label it as Positive/Continue and on the right side label it as “?” (question mark). As you go through each photo you, you can write what thoughts popped up that made you smile or brought about a question. The question can be a doubt, a wish, a painful past memory or a feeling, a regret and the like.
For example, for the first photo above:
POSITIVE/CONTINUE:
- I felt good being able to support my son in school that day; since I am not always available to attend my kids’ school activities.
- I loved seeing my shy son be picked as Teachers’ Day escort of Liu Lao Shi, who was a second grade teacher to both me and my son.
- I remember loving my own second grade experience. My teachers were truly kind and supportive. I am grateful today for all the people who continue to love and support me.
- It was my first time to be class president and I discovered my love for leadership. This affirmed my career choice today.
? (QUESTION MARK):
- How can I find time to be more involved with my kids’ school activities?
- How can I find ways to show my gratitude to my past teachers?
- Now that I am a licensed teacher, do I want to pursue teaching?
No need to put the photo on the list. Just continue building on the list. As you go through the left side, hopefully you will see there are many things to be grateful for. As you go through the right side, may it lead you to genuinely reflect on things you want done or changed in your life. Honesty is key. You might have picked photos that contain people you are estranged with. Be honest in facing your involvement in the estrangement. If you are at fault, plan to correct the mistake, then ask for forgiveness.
After you have gone through the photos, continue the list with other thoughts they might have triggered. Hopefully this exercise allows you to positively reflect, plan for tomorrow and, more important, practice finding the good in everyday things. Below is a journal entry I recently found that I put in my positive list:
Monaco to Savona, Italy 3/23/13
A trip to be free and trip of realities. The rain falls without cease. And I can’t help but say thank you for fully cleansing my pain.
UNIT ISOLATION
OUT “unit” is our familial unit or the group we belong to. If before we would usually spend time outside eating out, going to parties or traveling together, what can we do with all the time we have at home together? How do we connect and communicate with our familial unit that we have not been able to see face-to-face at the moment?
For our family, we cherish most being able to have family meals now. This has allowed us to share stories of our childhood. It has allowed our kids to share their school life, their friends and their dreams. It has also opened us up to arguments and meaningful reconciliations. From planning meals every day to thinking of ways to make my son’s birthday special last weekend, we also discovered how fun it was to plan as a family. These plans have led to us constructively help each other to be better individuals like encouraging each other to exercise.
Even if we cannot be with our relatives now, we found creative ways to stay in touch. My dad now has a weekly Mandarin session with my kids by teaching them his favorite Teresa Teng songs. I would download the lyrics and the YouTube link ahead of time, then send these to both my dad and my kids.
During this time, it may be good to ask questions like, “Are we communicating enough as a couple? as a family?,” “How much do we know our kids?,” “Do they feel comfortable talking to us?” Most of all, do you show your “unit” how much they mean in your life?
I posit that we are given this much “alone time” today to force ourselves to confront our pains, our questions, our anger and our true passions. The hope is for us to transform these into meaningful action. It is the hope that as we become better people, we are able to transcend ourselves to become people of hope and a gift to others.
While we are facing this pandemic feeling all alone, wouldn’t it be good to know we used this time to become better individuals…better families…ready to build a better society? These lines from Chicago Typewriter, a K-drama about resistance fighters in the 1930s, provides an apt conclusion for my thoughts:
“No matter which era you live in, life is agony. There is no such thing as a perfect world. Every era has its own problems and things you’d want to resist. We resist, struggle, fight and win. That’s how we shape the world we live in.”