IN the Philippines it pays to be “connected.” The street lingo is, “May konek ka ba?” Konek means knowing someone who is working in a government agency who can facilitate the processing of your license, claim benefit or loan without going through the usual channels or protocols.
Recently, netizens have called out several asymptomatic politicians and other people of rank for getting Covid-19 test shots ahead of frontliners who need it more because they are putting their lives on the line. What is also galling is that they want members of their families to have test shots too! It is a blatant disregard of the protocol set by the DOH and ignores the rising public frustration and anger over the limited number of test kits. Feeling their lives matter more, they are flaunting their privilege and making use of their “connections.”
If you consider it closely, this kind of connection is self-serving. It is all about looking out for oneself, using other people for one’s own benefit. But there is another form of connection that goes the other way. From self-interest, the action is directed in a beneficial way to other people.
When my wife and I go to the doctor for our regular checkups, we often find ourselves in the company of people our age. At first, they look uncommunicative, but once my wife starts asking one question or two, more often than not they shed off their glacial look and begin talking nonstop, triggering an outpouring of information about themselves and their families. It’s as if they are just waiting to be asked.
From these chance encounters, my wife has built a small network of connectedness with fellow souls on the last stage of a shared journey.
People our age are going through something difficult. They need empathy and compassion the most. Many of them, however, cannot get it from their sons and daughters who are too involved in their own personal issues and concerns. Where else can they get it? From people like us, who understand what they are talking about. It pays to have a fellow senior to listen to us, commiserate with us, or perhaps share in our gladness.
That’s why we need to think more about being connected and reaching out, not isolating ourselves. It seems to make sense that when people feel loved and are in touch with people who matter to them, it feels worth it to continue on living.
Social media, for better or for worse, can help us get connected with people from our past. That’s how I was tracked down by my former college boarding housemates. And recently, we had some fulfilling moments bonding with each other, and have vowed to stay reconnected.
When I meet with friends and peers from the past, I find it interesting that we share the same fears, the same health issues, and similar family concerns. Every time we hear about a colleague succumbing to heart attack or stroke or stricken with cancer, we just heave a heavy sigh of resignation and acceptance. Don’t ask for whom the bell tolls because it tolls for thee. Today it’s him, tomorrow it could be me. The circle becomes smaller and smaller.
The pandemic we are now confronting presents an opportunity for us to seriously change our self-preoccupation.
Tuning in together to news bulletins and directives from authorities, we rediscover our mutual belonging. A common threat is connecting us together, even as we distance ourselves from one another. We are all potentially at risk. We are all trying to quell the spread. We can face it together and we can help one another get through it.
Nothing can better make us realize that there is no separate, independent self and everything is interconnected in the ever-changing web of life.
Ironically, the “social distancing” we are asked to practice is a call to care. It is not really just for oneself, but also for others’ sake.
Even in isolation, we can consciously kindle the lamp of compassion and connection. Our religious traditions have given us the tools we can use to work together and cherish each other.
I am glad that this anxious moment in time is eliciting unexpected acts of kindness, even while we feel as if we’re in a bad dream. As I scan posts on social media, I come across stories and reports about people who are going out of their way to bring food and personal protective gear to health frontliners and providing free transport for them. People opening their shops to accept the homeless, as well as those stranded due to the absence of mass transportation.
Only yesterday when my wife and I went to the drug store to get our supply of prescribed medicines, we were aghast to encounter a long line of people waiting to get inside the drug store. As we got to line up, the other younger looking people graciously told us to go ahead of them. We don’t know them but because we are all connected during this time of crisis, they gave way to people who are more vulnerable, even if they will now have to wait a little longer for doing so.
Even in our homes, or through social media, we can find a way, big or small, to show that we care for others. As elders, we can lovingly offer our wisdom and patience, given our long experience with loss, resilience and how attitude is everything.
When this long nightmare is over, when things get back more or less to normal, let us vow not to take the people around us for granted. Let’s start to embrace social interactions not as inconveniences but as sparks that cause the human heart to ignite and feel connected. Call a friend, a former colleague or classmate, set up a coffee date and show up. Turn off your phone and be present. See how that makes you feel. My guess is your day will be better for it.
“The older we grow, the more we realize that true power and happiness come to us only through those who spiritually mean something to us,” Albert Schweitzer wrote. “Whether they are near or far, still alive or dead, we need them if we are to find our way through life.”
Let us pay more attention to how we open and close doors, how we welcome and dismiss one another, always keeping in mind that in these uncertain times, as well as in the twilight of our lives, after all is said and done, we need to accompany one another safely through the dark.