Social distancing and self-quarantine. These are the new terms that have gained traction recently in the wake of the public health crisis caused by the spread of the Covid-19.
Social distancing means avoiding crowds. This means not mingling with the crowd, going to concerts or movies, hanging out in big groups, and avoiding congested public vehicles. It also means physical distancing and minimizing certain types of contact, such as shaking hands, hugging, or kissing people.
The other advice is to go on self-quarantine. As a doctor in Western Europe who saw the Covid-19 outbreak unfold in Italy counselled: “Sit it out. Stay put. Work from home. Don’t go out. It’s absolutely not worth it.” This advisory would rankle a lot of busy bees and people-on-the-go who will feel restless staying at home. Senior citizens will have to forego their free movies in some localities in the meantime. And they should very well heed the good advice to just stay put at home because infection can be fatal to individuals who fall into the most at-risk group of adults over 65 who have preexisting conditions.
Many, if not most, don’t want to stay at home. I know someone who maintains relationships because he’d rather do anything on a Friday night besides staying at home, even at the cost of spending time with people whose company he doesn’t really enjoy.
There are also a considerable number of people who hate being alone by themselves. A quarter of the women and two-thirds of the men in a University of Virginia study chose to subject themselves to an electric shock rather than do nothing and spend time alone with their thoughts. Being alone with your thoughts, and giving yourself the space and unstructured time to let your mind wander without social distractions, can also sometimes feel intimidating, said Angela Grice, a speech language pathologist who has conducted research on executive functions and neuroscience at Howard University and the Neurocognition of Language Lab at Columbia University. People suddenly are lost as to what they should do.
I read a tweet that says something like blessed are the introverts for they shall be the ultimate survivors and will, therefore, inherit the earth, or words to that effect.
That quip was referring to the fact that introverts are used to leading a life on self-quarantine, in isolation. Self-quarantine is nothing new to people who live a hermit-like kind of independent living. They keep to themselves. They avoid crowds like the proverbial plague, a cliché that has become timely. This is why self-quarantine for the introverted is not much of a sacrifice.
The question is: how to make the most of your time inside. Take it from someone who is an introvert like me: there is something good in being alone at times. Just like the practice of intermittent fasting, intermittent solitude has its benefits.
Unfortunately, as one prominent psychologist admits, “solitude has had a pretty bad rap because it is sometimes used as a form of punishment.” Remember when our parents used to command us to go to our room and lock ourselves for misbehaving? Solitary confinement or isolation is the ultimate punishment meted out to prisoners who break rules. Indeed, time alone with yourself has always been perceived as a negative experience you’re being forced into.
In our culture, we also often confuse being alone for loneliness. But these are two separate things; people who choose to be alone are not necessarily lonely. Some choose to put the world on hold because, as psychologists point out, there are moments when we need to be alone to recharge and reflect to put things in perspective and help us better handle negative emotions and experiences, like stress and burnout. As someone puts it: “It’s not that solitude is always good, but it can be good.”
It turns out that spending time alone has nothing to do with being an introvert. Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, psychologists say that we all have a natural desire for solitude. “Aloneness” or spending time alone is something our bodies crave. One expert says: “We might not know that time alone is what we need to make ourselves feel better.”
Maybe being told to abstain from going outside and mixing it up with people at this time is just what the doctor ordered. Maybe it’s time to heed the Buddhist admonition: don’t just do something. Sit.
Perhaps, like most people, you are always rushing from one place to the next. There is always somewhere that you have to be, and you are constantly thinking about the remaining things on your to-do lists. Now, as you go on a self-imposed quarantine in the midst of this public health crisis, you have time to relax and to live mindfully without rushing on to your next task.
There is evidence that the practice of intermittent solitude can improve creativity and confidence and can even benefit our social relationships. Moreover, it can have a calming effect that prepares us to better engage with others and better deal with adverse situations. The key to reaping those positive rewards comes from choosing to spend time alone.
So, when you see a woman dining alone in a restaurant, don’t make a hasty judgment that she must be lonely. Who knows, she finds liberation in solitude, realizing at last that letting others determine her happiness or unhappiness is folly. Maybe she truly wants to be her own woman.
Having said that, solitude does not mean being self-centered, which is another word for self-entitlement, a term that refers to someone who feels the world should revolve around his whims, caprices, and needs, blissfully unaware or simply indifferent or apathetic to others.
Solitude to me means shifting the focus from the outside world to your inner life. It means time to attend to the here and now, and all the good and beautiful things you have neglected, by-passed or overlooked while too busy doing something else. It means developing a passionate interest in what you do, whether it’s painting, reading a book, making up new recipes, carpentry, mentoring, enjoying a cup of brewed coffee, or any other activity that you find soul-enriching and fulfilling.
Try doing some yoga. This will help you to physically relax your muscles, and it will give you some time to release your thoughts and tension, which is all a part of feeling comfortable in life.
Solitude can also be about finding joy in small, everyday moments. Use your senses to have a more acute appreciation for the sounds, sensations, aromas, and sights of everything in the here and now. Put on your favorite pictures in frames around your house. Or any small thing that can instantly lift your mood and make you feel good.
Try making crafts, watch a movie, learn a new skill or any one of the diverse options available besides obsessively checking social media. Journaling can be a great way of working through and evaluating your inner thoughts. Above all, enjoy the space in time being with yourself and say: “This is the time where I can give something to myself.”
Once you get the hang of it and realize its benefits, you might want to consider making intermittent self-quarantine a way of life. In the same way that intermittent fasting helps eliminate toxic elements from your physical self, chosen moments of solitude can help remove the toxicity from your inner self. With more time to look at the mirror of your inner self, you can now shed off your masks, your pretenses and all the layers that hide you from being your authentic self. Before you know it, you will have developed a deeper sense of who you are and what your true interests are.
Knowing yourself will make it easier for you to reach out to others who share your passions. You will become less self-centered and more empathetic and considerate of others. Who knows, out of this period of social distancing and self-quarantine, you might come out as a more socially discerning person.
Self-quarantine…it could be the start of something good.