FOR not a few parents, it’s only mere days before the new school year starts. Are you done purchasing books and school supplies?
Are your kids’ shoes and uniforms all ready? Back-to-school preparations can vary in stress levels for us, depending on how early our schedule permits us to prepare. For my kids, however, I hope for them to look forward to school like it’s entering a new adventure.
In 2017 I shared the fun things I do with my kids before the start of the school year. Below is my enhanced list of “pre”-school must-do’s:
BUILD FUN RITUALS. Our favorite ritual is going to National Book Store to buy our school supplies. Each one has their list. Meagan would push her own cart while I would assist Marcus. I would involve them in choosing the folders, rulers, etc., that they like. I remember when I was a child, my favorite ritual was picking the brand of pens I would use for that year. Would it be Panda or Kilometrico? Even if takes more time, I like to see the fun in my kids’ eyes when they find their “perfect pen.”
It is also fun to do “pre”-school relaxation rituals as a family. It is good to take walks or bike together as a family a day before school starts. It would be good to even take that one long day trip together. For your kids, it is a time to relax. For us parents, the purpose is to listen and connect. These quiet moments allow your children to share if they are excited or anxious. Ask questions like, “How excited are you to go back to school?” This questions leads to multiple other questions. You can also play verbal games in the car. We always do an Alphabet Game, where we pick a topic, like countries, then run down things that start with each letter in the alphabet. Try to lessen gadget use or, better yet, no gadgets for the trip. I always believe this sets the pace for our parent-child relationship during the school year.
THE ROOM TO CHOOSE. I always believe it is a child’s choice to excel in school. We lead them to it but it is always better if the child wants it. For me, I was rewarded when I did well but I was never punished if I got a failing mark. So, I have a “soft” talk with my kids a few weeks before class starts.
I ask them how they felt about last year. Did they like their grades? Did they like the activities they joined? If they say yes, then I would just ask: Do you think there is room to improve? Do you want mom to suggest ways?
I remember when Marcus was in kindergarten, he would get above-average grades but was not consistently in the honor roll. I didn’t mind because what I really wanted was for him to love going to school. I also believe that every child is different. As much as Meagan values being in the honor roll, Marcus might enjoy school in another way. Nevertheless, I wanted to make sure he was “aware” of his options when he entered first grade. So, I sat him down in his study chair and drew out the letters “A,” “B,” “C.” I asked him, “Marcus, when you grow up, what kind of job would you like? An A, B or C job?” He asked me what the differences were. I explained that an “A” job means most of the time, you are telling people what to do. “B” means sometimes you are telling people what to do, and other times people are telling you what to do. “C” means you are always being told what to do. He said, “I want an A job.” I said, “OK, then you would need to go to a good university. In order for you to do that, you need to get very good grades in grade school and high school.” He was silent afterwards and that was that.
I was surprised that he became more serious with his studies on his own. He started getting silver awards in the beginning of the year and ended up getting a gold award by the end of the 4th quarter.
THE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE OF THE JOURNEY. This ritual is for both the parents and the kids. As parents, we need to remind ourselves that our kids’ “learning journey” is their own stamp of effort and motivation. After we listen to their goals and fears for the year, it would be good to write them down. As we match the activities or enrichment classes we plan to support them with, try your best not to use comparative lenses. Always remember that each child is unique. Whether he or she needs more or less support, the most critical part is they know our love for them is not based on their output.
I push myself each year to see that the minute they step into the school year, I need to be reminded that it is their year, not mine nor my husband’s. I can guide but the accountability to check their homework, study for a test or finish a project is their own. I always tell them, “When you achieve something in school, it is you who goes up the stage. We are here to support you on your goals but you need to do the work.”
I am not in my children’s school very often but the first day of school is a must. I like experiencing that first-day excitement with them. I like seeing them pick a seat. I like saying hello to their new teacher. Moreover, I like hugging and kissing them before they start a school year, telling them, “Enjoy school.” It is my way of making them feel the unconditional love of the journey.
Happy “pre”-schooling, everyone.