People have asked me this question (or variations of it) so many times over the years. Fortunately, my family and relatives gave up on me when I turned 40. Hahaha. Napagod din.
The last time was just in December, queried by a Grab driver—of all people. It was an unusually quick drive from Quezon City, where I lived, to my niece Purple’s condo in Pasay, that day being a holiday. Yet in that short time, Jason (not his real name), the driver, told me about his marital woes, his meeting another woman and then moved on to asking about my relationship status.
I don’t normally go around chatting up Grab drivers and asking about their personal affairs, except maybe when a political discussion has ensued—cabbies and Grab drivers being the most opinionated about life in the Philippines. (These discussions normally end with me asking whether his life or his family’s well-being had improved under the present dispensation in Malacañang. Which, these days, I have observed, usually concludes with the driver admitting that, “no,” it has not.)
So Jason narrated, he and his wife had eloped back in the day, even though he had not gotten her accidentally pregnant. And while he did love her, he said he didn’t really envision spending the rest of his life with her.
But the girl “pressured” him to elope, or so he claimed. They were already in their late 20s mind you, he said, but his then-girlfriend could no longer stand living under the roof of her father for some reason or other. So Jason agreed to a live-in arrangement with her. Now they have an adolescent son who cringes when his dad tries to make lambing like he was still a little boy. Jason gets a bit sentimental when he talks of his growing boy, who now prefers his computer or mobile phone to his dad’s hugs and playful kisses.
And then he met this other woman, Jason continued, and it was like everything in his brain just clicked. He suddenly felt “kumpleto, Ma’am,” like he found what he had been missing in his life this whole time, he averred. Even his mother, who he had turned to for advice, said this other woman was probably the one who was meant to be with him. “Ma’am, ikaw ba hindi na-in love ng ganyang katindi na iiwanan mo lahat para lang makasama ’yung mahal mo?” (Waitaminute! Why was he involving me in his mess?!)
His question made me uncomfortable, primarily because, “kuya, hindi tayo close noh?” On another level, I was amused. And I guess I’ve always been a sucker for entertainment. So I found myself confessing that, yes, I had felt that way before. Jason pressed me, asking what happened. As I didn’t want to go into the gory details of my previous relationships, I merely said in Filipino, “Well, it [the relationship] just didn’t pan out.”
It dawned on Jason that I was still single, and momentarily diverted by my personal circumstances, he asked, “Bakit po kayo single, Ma’am?” He then launched a thousand and one possible excuses on my behalf. I’m too focused on my work. Too busy for love. Basically they revolved on those two main themes. I roll my eyeballs, of course, too far I could see the back of my head, but it was still the Christmas season, so I exerted the effort to be nice.
Deigning to put an end to any more discussion about my personal life, I simply answered, “I just didn’t find the right guy, probably.” Of course, Jason had a follow-up: “Baka, Ma’am, masyado kayong mapili?” Da fuq. My eyeballs rolled back into my head again, then I sighed in resignation.
But what else could I tell this young man who still had stars in his eyes, and a heart beating so fast for someone he longed to be with? That Cupid shot his arrow but I ducked? Or worse, the guy did. I had learned a long time ago to stop explaining myself to others, and inject my own opinions on relationships and love in general, especially with people I didn’t really know well. Not that I’m now jaded and cynical about the whole aspect of romance, dating and finding a significant other. One of my favorite shows, after all, is First Dates.
“Ganon, eh.” It is what it is, was all I could manage.
Jason nodded. He didn’t try to press any further. I suppose, he believed the same of his present situation with this other woman. After all, he didn’t actively seek out another partner in life. She just walked in with no warning. And while his brain tried to compartmentalize his feelings for her and for his wife and son, he already knew whom his heart had chosen.
Fortunately, we finally arrived at Purple’s house and I had to get off the vehicle. And as he took out my luggage from the trunk of his car, Jason bade me goodbye with a “Merry Christmas,” and joked he would text me “’pag magkatuluyan kami.” I chuckled (he was amusing after all), and just wished him good fortune, however that eventually applied and meant for him.