MY articles last December involved a lot of gratitude and reflection. That’s what the month has always been for me. It’s like I naturally “dwell” in December. I always start with things to be grateful for. Then I walk down memory lane. These “past dwellings” are both the happy and the heavy moments that I like to revisit and sort of pass through my own litmus test of affection.
This process readies me for the year to come. When I randomly read past journal entries, especially on the more difficult points in my life, I get transported to that exact moment—what or who triggered the thought, how I felt, what thoughts got me through it. Then I take reference to today. I see how that experience molded me. I am often caught in a wonder how I was able to overcome a particular circumstance. Then realize I “providentially” did.
The year 2012 saw some of the most difficult times in my life. Below are some of my “providential” reflections at the time:
March 22: “Today I am in Malaysia with Meagan. With all the worries, I find myself asking the question: What really matters to me? If everything does happen whether good or bad, what state can I be where my heart says it does not matter. My essence lies in who I am and how loving my family is. Life is complete. All this work must just be a function of now, not meant to haunt our past and feed fear for the future. Work is of today. Love what you finish, then tomorrow is another now. When things become too much, edit and choose your battles.
“Being with Meagan allowed me to realize that the unconditional love we share as mother and daughter is such a precious gift that a bump in the business can never compare to.”
June 7: “Tomorrow is bright. You need to seize what is right and face the consequences of being right today than deal with the consequences of your cowardice tomorrow. Trust all where God is guiding you to go. If it is wrong, your heart will be the first one to tell you.”
August 2: “The message is clear from the start. Look to the future. There are so many people to emulate. Businesses start from scratch and grow. In the 15 years of doing business, you toiled in an organization to inspire. Loving has always been the key. You can love and work for what is right at the same time. You lost a part of your family and it makes you unstable. But this journey will lead and has already led you closer to whom you are meant to be. People and relationships will continue to come. Embrace them and nourish them. They will see you so clearly that everything will be so much easier from this day on. Trust and work hard.”
September 3: “Success is not all what people can see and judge. It is what you feel inside. Set the bar for yourself. Don’t let others set the bar for you.”
These reflections are what I make as the fuel for my “New” Year. I bring the past wisdom and perennial “faith” in providence.
What is providence? According to Oxford Dictionary, it is the protective care of God or of nature as a spiritual power. For me, I would describe it as the central force that keeps me attuned to what is to come. I have many a time been in discussions on spiritual beliefs. Through the years, I have attended and studied Kabbalah, Reiki, Opus Dei and so on. I know there is a natural power in us that need to be discovered and honed. But I also believe there is a path that continues to unravel for us each year of our existence. I do not believe in “pre-destiny.” I believe that our path changes as a cumulative result of the decisions we make. I believe that a higher being exists that guides us that good begets good. The higher goal is inner happiness and not external accolade.
In the many times in my life that I thought it was at a dead end, I believe my faith in providence pushed me to “just believe” life will get better. I clung firmly to the righteousness of the moment and waited patiently for meaning to unfold. The biggest lesson providence has taught me is to discern when to let go, that we can’t “rest on our laurels” or hold on to people and things too tightly. We can fight our hardest to keep them but when it is time, we need even more strength to “let live.”
Why? Because life is not meant to be one-dimensional. Our lives are not meant to revolve only on one thing. We are various “beings.” We are not just a career person. We can be spouses to our partners, parents to our kids or to pets. We are kids to our parents, friends to our circle and so on….
Whatever comes our way this coming 2019, my main message is to be open and accepting. Know that life’s plan unfolds depending on each decision we make. If we make a mistake along the way, may we find the courage to make things better this New Year. Don’t cloud ourselves with false realities and justifications. If we find ourselves on a nice path, find ways to share the blessings. This is cliche for me to say but I do believe in miracles. It is my personal miracle to live this “providential life” that I get to live each day.
Happy 2019, everyone, and wishing all a “miraculous” New Year ahead.