JULY 16, 1974 was the date of the last letter my grandmother received from her brother who worked for the US Navy.
She was organizing her piles of old documents and photos when she found the letter dated more than 40 years ago. Her longing and desire to reunite with her long-lost brother only grew larger while holding the letter in her hands.
Lydia Adan Bañaria, born April 10, 1930, is from Pili, Camarines Sur. Her older brother, Avito Adan is only a year older. They were very poor growing up in the Bicol region. Their father didn’t have a job while their mother worked as a laundry woman in the convent located behind their house.
Lydia admitted she was quite naughty and mischievous as a child. She always used to get into trouble with the other kids and she did gambling as a hobby. Her older brother Avito—Hermano as she called him—was her total opposite. She describes him as a very kind and gentle boy.
“My brother was a kind soul. Every time my father scolded him and hit him with a stick, I always defended him,” she recalled.
Their father died due to illness when they were just teenagers.
In 1946 when Avito finished high school in an agricultural school in Pili, he hid in the baggage compartment of a bus going to Manila in hopes of overcoming poverty. But getting the “better” opportunities he had hoped for was not an easy task.
He was only 17 years old when he arrived in Quiapo, Manila. Coming from a devout Catholic family, the first thing he did was to work as a sacristan (altar boy) at the Quiapo Church. He always prayed that his decision to go to the country’s capital would enable him to have a better life.
He then decided to study in college so he enrolled at the National University. While studying, he sold balut at night to pay for his college fees. Lydia recalled that his brother struggled financially that he even sent her a letter, asking if she can send him some money.
“I always won at the [gambling] games I played that I even filled my whole alkansya [piggy bank], so I was able to send him some money whenever he asked,” Lydia said.
But there was an instance when she received a letter from him that enclosed the money she sent the last time. She got nervous at first because she thought her brother might have died. Little did she know that he was already working outside of the country.
“He just told me to not send money anymore. He also said that I can go and study whatever I want in college, which was quite puzzling,” she said.
Her brother later revealed in the letters that followed he stopped his college studies. When he saw a wanted poster by the US Navy, he promptly applied and was hired.
In 1901 US President William McKinley signed an executive order allowing the Navy to enlist 500 Filipinos as part of the insular force. Filipinos were generally assigned to steward duties. After the Philippines was granted independence in 1946, recruitment was closed.
An agreement was negotiated in 1952 when up to 1,000 Filipino citizens could be enlisted in the US Navy each year. Thus, from 1953 to 1958 alone, a total of 5,525 Filipinos were enlisted in the Navy. Avito was among the thousands of young Filipinos who saw a US sailor’s uniform as a ticket to a better life. And indeed, life became better for his family.
“When he was assigned to Japan, very big boxes of pasalubong and different household materials were sent to our house in Bicol,” Lydia said.
Lydia then decided to study in college. At age 25, she enrolled at Ateneo de Naga and took up Accountancy. When she was about to finish college, the school said she could not graduate because she missed the exam of one of her major subjects.
She objected to the decision of the school, saying she was sick on examination day so she had a valid reason. The school considered her appeal and she graduated with the title of Associate in Commercial Science.
In 1958 she and her mother moved to Metro Manila when her brother bought them a house in Project 2, Quezon City. She wanted to continue her studies so she enrolled at Far Eastern University, where she finally obtained her degree in Accountancy.
When she graduated, her brother said he could bring both of them to the US and live there permanently. But unfortunately, it was not what their mother wanted.
“My mother felt very lonely in the big house so we sold the house and she went back to Bicol,” she said. “Maybe it was not just her lifestyle, so what more if she’s in a very distant place like the US?”
Lydia expressed her desire to go to America, but she didn’t want to leave her mother alone in the Philippines. Months later, another dilemma arose when she was about to take her board exam in accountancy. On that day, her mother died.
“My life became a mess. I didn’t know who to follow and what to do. My mother died when I was away from her. My brother was also away from us. I realized it was very hard when I only have one sibling and he’s very far away,” she said.
She did not want to live alone single so she decided to get a companion in life. In 1961 she married Teofilo Bañaria at the Santa Mesa Catholic Church in Manila. The nuns who were close to their family were not happy because they wanted her to become a nun. Her brother supported her and kept in touch with her. He also visited them from time to time.
Her life slowly started to get better. She and her husband had their own house, her husband’s business was going well and they had their own kids. But sadly, when a destructive typhoon hit the country, their business vanished with the flood. It was like déjà vu for her because she was faced again with a life of poverty.
In 1963 she started working as an accountant in the Manila post office under the Foreign Mails Division. She eventually left her job after a year when she witnessed the corruption of post office officials. Because of this, her brother Avito offered her financial help, which she gladly accepted.
Since then, they always received boxes of goods and materials from the US. He also gave them some money. Unfortunately, the boxes attracted the siblings of his husband, giving her family another dilemma.
Her brothers-in-law frequently visited their house, taking advantage of their kindness and generosity. Her husband instructed their children to always treat his brothers as guests whenever they visited from the province. Each time a balikbayan box arrived, her brothers-in-law opened them and helped themselves to the contents, even getting the money that arrived to themselves, instead of giving them to the children.
Because of this, Lydia decided to cut her connection with her brother Avito. She asked him to stop sending boxes and even financial support, since he also has his own family to support in the US.
Avito respected her wishes. Letters from America stopped coming to her house. She lost the only connection she had with her brother. It was a hard decision for her, but she felt it was her only choice. She and her husband started a new life by selling vegetables at the nearby market with their three kids.
Lydia is now 88 years old. It’s been seven years since her husband died. She currently lives in Cubao, Quezon City, with her three daughters, two sons-in-law and 10 grandchildren.
More than 40 years have passed since Lydia received a letter from her brother. She doesn’t know where he is, whether he is dead or alive, but she wants to know how he is.
The old letter she found sparked hope in her—that one day, she will reunite with her long-lost brother.
1 comment
this is avito adan’s son. please send me an email.