IN the beginning of the year, I shared my pursuit of finding parental contentment. I suggested for parents to periodically step back and give time to explore the self. I shared my belief that a whole self allows for more “fluid” parenting, especially at a time where we’re all extremely busy. It makes us more ready to step out into the world, because we’re able to quiet out external opinions and listen to ourselves more. I discovered that these “I-Parent” moments continuously led me to the principle that gratitude begets gratitude. This journey allows me to regularly seek things to be grateful for, as well as to aim for happiness beyond societal accolade or material wealth.
It is hard to trace that day when I finally defined my life as a journey. All I know was it was in my early 20s. Why was this so significant for me? I used to be a person who always aimed to “win” in life. I expected that if I put in X amount of work, I would produce my desired Y output. It was only when I finally saw my life as an ongoing learning journey that I found more peace. I gradually saw the value of my life in the totality of my life’s experiences, not just the days that I “won.”
In retrospect, I would’ve arrived at this conclusion sooner had I let go a bit sooner; had I alleviated myself of the pressure of always being certain; had I allowed more space to let my mind “wander” a bit, to be comfortable with uncertainty. Today, I call this one as “traveling soul.”
There are two distinct “traveling” memories that triggered my journey. First was my walk home alone from work in Washington. One day, I tried a different path from Union Station. I passed by a small bookstore and found myself reading Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff by Richard Carlson.
The only reason I read it was because it had the fewest words per page. At that time, I wasn’t a person who liked reading books. My second memory was my flight from Washington to Vancouver, where I was reading another book, In the Meantime, by Iyanla Vanzant. It opened me up to recognizing the gift of being truly “alone.”
Hence, one of my requisites for a traveling soul is valuing momentary solitude. I remember challenging myself to watch a movie alone. I felt both scared and proud when I stepped out of the theater. I feel this every time I travel alone. I think it’s the moments of mind-wandering, of experiencing the vast space but also realizing the microcosm of what really matters in life. My college philosophy classes flash back to me with existential questions that seem dismissible then, but are forcibly requiring answers today. I started to ask the transcendental question: “What would be my life’s legacy?”
Starting 2011 my work demanded a lot of self-traveling. I wasn’t used to it. Our family was
going through a painful pivotal time. I missed my husband and kids every time I traveled. Especially in long-haul trips, where you couldn’t predict one’s sleeping cycle, there were a lot of blank hours that allowed me to meditate over one question: Do I “drown” or do I “define”?
Our traveling soul asks us: Do we go through life “drowning” in the paths laid out to us by people around us? Do we forever feel helpless because of our own “nondecision”? Or do we start to “define” our life despite feeling the uneasiness and fear?
Now, “wandering” without certainty becomes a choice. We “wander” so we don’t just trace through something. We want to be able to be outside the pool first, observing the waves, rather than being in the pool, but not knowing how we want to dip ourselves in the water in the first place.
It’s interesting for me that after each trip, I find myself recognizing all the good in my life with much more ease, and gradually changing what’s not. There is more accountability for my choices. There is less fear for what’s yet to come.
So, I truly prescribe “self-travel” time for parents at least once a year. It can be a simple staycation, a weekend at the beach, or a new place to explore.
For those who travel for business, you can free up a dinner alone at your favorite restaurant the night before you leave.
Allotting time for our “I” as parents is not a bonus. It shouldn’t be a source of guilt. I believe I guide my kids better to be secure and confident individuals because I have found a solid voice in me.
Figuratively, if we stop “traveling,” we stop evolving. Our life isn’t meant to be one prolonged chapter. It’s meant to be filled with many chapters—with each chapter pushing us to self-discovery. This is something spouses must allow each other to have. Even if the discovery ends up in differences or doubts, the mutual will to keep a good family still stands. And the mutual respect and appreciation for each other’s growth is truly priceless.