The book Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi, a New York Times best-selling author, tackles the popular topic of establishing relationships and cites in one of the chapters the characteristics of a networking jerk. If I have to write something about creating and nurturing relationships, I should say you should never eat alone (most of the time). I treasure those times when I deliberately eat alone, quiet and introspective, or merely reading a good book. Eating alone is not bad, although eating alone most of the time, when one has the choice of eating with other people, is not a good idea. When I was in high school, I admire people who can eat alone in a crowded room like a cafeteria or a restaurant. They exude confidence and independence. As a teenager, I tried eating alone in a crowded place, although not all the time because I also like to enjoy the company of friends.
In fact, somebody asked me one time while dining in a restaurant why I eat alone and I replied rhetorically, why not? Why do some people think that eating alone is not good? Anyway, I admit eating with other people has certain benefits, especially if you are in marketing or sales. What Ferrazzi emphasized was the need to maximize your time to nurture relationships and establish friendships. Lunch time can be a chance to hold business meetings or informal talks with clients, coworkers, employers, prospective clients and even friends and family members who may not be potential clients at the moment. These are relationships you can fall back on in the future. But be sure you do not eat alone most of the time with the opposite sex. This could lead to something else other than business. In fact, if you can, avoid it. Make it a matter of moral discipline if you can avoid such situations at all cost. You should bring along a third person just to be sure.
Anyway, you can never sell to people who think you are just using them and benefit from the relationship. Thus, a networker who flits from one cocktail table to another, giving out business cards, is one people would like to avoid. Ferrazzi suggested it is “better to spend more time with fewer people at a one-hour get-together, and have one or two meaningful dialogues, than engage in the wandering-eye routine and lose the respect of most of the people you meet.”
Early in my career, when I was mostly involved in marketing sales and business development, I used to do just that. I attended various professional and civic group conferences, meetings and cocktails since it was my job to represent my principals. And I made sure I get to know many people in the event. As I grew in the profession, I realized that when you try to be a friend first to people and sincere in helping them, the sales easily followed. I also did not sugarcoat when I presented products/services and I always tell them that a product/service was not good when I know full well they will not benefit from it in the long run.
One should not be too aggressive by giving them a long sales talk. You want to know them first and their companies and see where your products and services can help them. It is not all about you and the company you represent, but about them. And it is not about sales or selling all the time. A person you may be meeting now may not be a potential customer at present but, in the future, he maybe a friend or family member you need to help you in the future. The old adage about “giving without expecting anything in return” is true.
What the author of the book cited above said is a good reminder that “it’s the exercising of equity that builds equity.”
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Wilma Miranda is the chairmann of the Media Affairs Committee of Finex, treasurer of KPS Outsourcing Inc. and a managing partner of Inventor, Miranda & Associates, CPAs. The views expressed herein do not necessarily reflect the opinion of these institutions.