ONE of my colleagues in the public relations (PR) profession for whom I have the utmost respect, Joy Buensalido, has just come out with a book on good manners, entitled Pinoy Manners: A Modern Guide to Delicadeza for All Generations.
Given the decline of civility and even plain courtesy among our people over the past decades, it is a book that needed to be written and read (it’s easy and even entertaining reading, by the way) by everyone. This is true even for those in PR, who should be the first to be aware of the importance of good manners in the practice of their profession, but myself included, sometimes fall short in this respect.
Good manners—predicated, of course, on basically responsible, ethical and socially beneficial conduct on the part of a person or organization—help build good relations and gain the goodwill and support of the publics for the organizations PR men and women work for or represent as counsels.
There are many advices in the book on how to act properly in various situations. Among these, I found several to be the most relevant to PR:
Don’t be rude or unkind
ONE precept is the most basic of all: “Avoid being rude or unkind.”
Joy further states: “It is normal to be upset or angry when there’s reason to be, but keep a lid on your temper and avoid shouting, cursing or hurling insults at people who have offended you. The ability to stay cool will help keep your dignity and respectability intact at all times.”
In my PR practice, I have encountered many difficult and outright nasty people. One was my own boss when I was working for a PR company in New York. He was constantly screaming at us even for the smallest mistakes, but I never answered back. Until the time came when I could not take it anymore and I told him calmly: “Sir, if you are not happy with my work, I will resign.”
He was taken aback. He quieted down and did not accept my resignation. From then on, he treated me better and kept promoting me until in time, I became vice president of the company.
I have also dealt with difficult clients and contacts in media and government, with oversized egos and a bloated sense of self-importance who looked down with disdain at PR people. By treating them cooly and with dignity, I eventually gained their respect, and even friendship in the case of several.
Dress decently
ANOTHER good and essential advice from the book that needs to be heeded, especially by those in PR, where making a good first impression is critical, is to “dress decently and appropriately for the occasion,” Joy admonishes that “ladies must not show too much of anything, whether it’s skin, cleavage or jewelry” and “men must avoid wearing shorts, undershirts, jerseys or slippers whenever they venture outside their homes.” By being decently clothed, you show your respect for other people and it makes them respect you in return.
Don’t be late
WE Filipinos have been notorious for being laid back and late for everything—for meetings, parties, weddings and any business or social occasion. Joy’s advice on this is simple and straightforward: “Don’t come late for your meetings or appointments.”
In this modern world, where business competition has become tough in any field and, consequently, time has become a scarce and precious commodity, to be late for any meeting or event is viewed as a sign of disrespect, if not utter disregard for the time of others, especially business executives who have busy schedules.
We know the traffic situation in our country has become horrendous. But one must not use it as a convenient excuse. One must give plenty of allowance for traffic and must make it a point to leave for a meeting or event early enough to make it on time—or ideally, even ahead of time. Being late shows a lack of judgment and foresight on your part.
Get names right
THE author admits she has trouble remembering names, which is not surprising for those of us in the PR field, where we meet and interact with many people day in and day out. The book presents some techniques in finding out the names of the person you are talking to, someone whom you have met before, but whose name escapes you at that moment.
Joy suggests one way of getting out of this bind is by introducing yourself first and hoping he or she will do likewise. Another is admitting outright that you have gotten forgetful lately (which would be more believable if you are already a senior citizen like me) and, again, hoping that the other person will understand and give his or her name to you.
If all of the above tactics still fail, I will just continue our conversation with the person and not just mention his or her name, pretending I knew it all along. Who knows that he may have forgotten your name, too, so you both come out of the sticky situation even and none the worse for the ordeal.
Use of gadgets
WITH the invention and subsequent proliferation of mobile phones and the thoughtless usage of them even during official meetings, Joy has come up with this guideline: “It’s acceptable to keep one’s phone on silent mode with face up and place it on the table near you as you can glance at it from time to time without disrupting your meeting. If you have an urgent call, please excuse yourself and step out of the room to do it.”
Joy’s advice is all well and good.
But my own take on this is it depends on the nature of the meeting and the number of participants. If the subject is really serious and the meeting is a “make-or-break” one, and if there are only the two of you or just a few in attendance, you are better off closing your mobile phone and keeping it in your pocket or briefcase for the duration of the meeting. Otherwise, Joy’s advise on such situation is both a proper and practical one to follow.
There are other pointers in Joy’s book that would be of special interest for PR practitioners. One is on gift-giving, of which we do a lot in our business. But Joy has dealt with the subject in her article for this column last week so I would just refer you to that.
In her book, Joy also suggests the use of humor as being part of good manners. But this fascinating subject deserves another column all by itself.
Learn to forgive
THE book ends with one, last sagacious advice: “Always remember that nobody is perfect so learn to forgive.” Indeed, even if we try to have good manners all the time, there will be occasions when circumstances are such that we will lose our cool and give full vent to negative emotions and actions.
When these breaches of good manners arise, it is best to just apologize to the offended party and, for the latter, to forgive. By so doing, both will be showing their good manners. For to commit a mistake is human. To forgive is divine.
Joy hopes that, through her book, she can “encourage all Filipinos, especially the younger generation, to always treat each other with respect, courtesy and delicadeza.”
It is a noble purpose, indeed, and I hope she succeeds, so that we can be a better and greater nation for it.
(For those who want to buy copies of the book, they can call the Buensalido & Associates PR office at phone number 892-3520.)
PR Matters is a roundtable column by members of the local chapter of the International Public Relations Association, the premier association for senior professionals around the world. Rene Nieva is the chairman and CEO of Perceptions Inc.
We are devoting a special column each month to answer the readers’ questions about public relations. Please send your comments and questions to askipraphil@gmail.com.
1 comment
Good manners are learned from our elders and other people of influence. It is actually a continuous learning process that may span a lifetime. It will help a lot to shorten the learning process by practicing the “Golden Rule”. If we go by this rule, we practically can do no wrong.