By Georgea Kovanis / Detroit Free Press
WHEN it comes down to it, shopping and dating are pretty much the same thing—the anticipation of finding a good partner, the process of trying on potential matches for size, and then, if your dress or your date is a good fit, you go home together. Otherwise, you go home alone, feeling disappointed and make do with something or someone you already have before getting up the energy to start your search anew.
I’ve been thinking about this parallel because my friend—who is losing weight and about to receive her master’s degree—asked me if I thought spending $175 on an Eileen Fisher dress for her graduation ceremony was ridiculous, considering it may not fit in a few months.
Of course, it’s not ridiculous, I told her. Get the dress. You earned it—you’ve been working full time and going to school.
But mostly, I was thinking that wearing a cheap dress from one of those fast fashion stores where my friend has been shopping for disposable clothing until she reaches her goal weight would be the equivalent of taking a Tinder date along as an her plus-one.
And while many, many people opt for the hookup culture of that dating site, I, in good conscience, couldn’t allow my accomplished friend to go the Tinder route on her big day.
After all, the most visible relationship we have in our lives is the one we share with our clothes. Our clothes are always with us. They accompany us to work, to play, to parties and to funerals. Anyone who says clothes aren’t important is wrong. Because if clothes meant nothing, none of us would agonize over choosing wedding dresses and none of us would bother to tell loved ones what we want to be buried in when the time comes.
So with all of that in mind, here’s a look at some of the different relationship categories into which clothes fit.
TINDER CLOTHES
You can pick these up at places like Forever 21, the fast fashion house famous for selling ultra-trendy, inexpensive, no-strings-attached clothing aimed at teens and very young adults. These clothes are not meant to hold your interest for long—and you shouldn’t expect them to do so. With minimal investment—financial and emotional—they’re like so many of the people on Tinder. There’s nothing wrong with Tinder, provided you know going in that most people aren’t there for relationships—at least not ones that last beyond a night. And once you reach a certain age, you’ll want, need and deserve more than that.
I’VE-DECIDED-TO-SETTLE CLOTHES
Maybe they’re jeans with a gaping waistband or a dress that’s slightly tight—either way, these clothes don’t quite fit, and you know it.
You bought them because you wanted or needed something to wear and even though they miss the mark, you figure they’re better than nothing—kind of like the guy you’re dating.
Going out with him is better than sitting home alone and it’s a lot easier to stay with him than shaving your legs and looking for someone new.
Likewise, it’s often easier to wear ill-fitting clothing than buying new—even though you feel a little self-conscious showing up at an important event or special occasion in it.
ALL-STYLE-AND-NO-SUBSTANCE CLOTHES
They’re knockoffs—clothing or accessories made to look they’re the work of a high-end designer. From a distance you might be fooled into thinking they’re the real thing. Once you strip away the bling and take a closer look, you will realize just like your date’s toupee or his nice guy persona that disappears when he’s yelling at the waitstaff, it’s all show. Knockoffs are fakes, and rarely are fakes ever truly satisfying.
WE’RE-GOING-TO-TAKE-THINGS-SLOWLY-AND-SEE-WHERE-THIS-GOES CLOTHES
So far, these clothes—dresses, blouses, skirts, jeans or whatever—look and feel like they were made just for you. Kind of like that unbelievably fabulous guy you’ve been seeing—he even likes your cranky cat. The problem: You’ve been burned before by broken zippers, split seams and fading colors and you just can’t go through that again. (Remember those jeans you washed so frequently they lost their color? Or the cashmere sweater that got all pilled because you kept falling asleep in it?) So you’re proceeding with caution—you’re not wearing these clothes too often. You are also nurturing them with proper attention to cleaning and storage to see how long they stay around. Like with the unbelievably fabulous guy, only time will tell if you will be able to rely on them.
SECOND-(OR THIRD)-TIME-AROUND CLOTHES
Just like the divorced guys you find on over-50 dating sites, resale shop clothes have been owned previously. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing—provided what you’re buying still has some wear left in it. Seriously, gently used is the only way to go, otherwise there will be issues—with the clothes and with the men.
EHARMONY CLOTHES
Like the dating site that chooses matches for you, eHarmony clothes are put together by someone other than you. Maybe your BFF coordinated your outfit. Maybe a salesclerk or a personal shopper lent a hand. Either way, this is stuff someone else decided you should wear. As is the case with eHarmony, sometimes matchmaking works and often it does not and you end up with something that should look good in theory, but, in reality, doesn’t.
MARRIAGE-MATERIAL CLOTHES
A Burberry trench, a classic black dress, an exquisitely cut blazer. These are the sorts of well-made, classic clothes in which you have both a financial and emotional investment—and because of that, you have no intention of ever throwing them away. You chose carefully and passed up some other things along the way. But you’ll always look fabulous in these and they will last forever.
The Mr. Right of clothing! Which is what, after a lot of shopping around and a lot of less-than-fulfilling relationships, most of us hope to find.