By Maxine Mamba
GEN-Xers have different ways to parent their children, mostly millennials. Marie Claire Lim-Moore has one: travel.
Lim-Moore, a CitiGroup Inc. executive, has that subtle advice in the second installation to her best-selling book Don’t Forget the Soap.
The second one, Don’t Forget the Parsley, has already taken me into their family as one of their own. I feel so familiar with her mom’s penchant to be extremely polite and with her father’s laidback attitude. For instance, her dad drops the word “man” to make his euphemisms seem more hip and light-hearted. “You have to have some patience, man!” Lim-Moore’s father would say to her brother Justin whenever he complains about something.
The advice that most resonated with me from the book was Lim-Moore’s most important lesson from her mother: “The happiest people don’t have the best of everything—they make the best of everything.”
To her mother, that meant being able to take the family to Broadway plays even if it has the last seat. That also meant taking the family after her father was given the chance to travel to Rome because of their family’s association with a religious congregation. It seems their family has achieved all their goals of status, fun and security while traveling from Cabo to Canada with a smile on their faces.
The book is not so much parenting advice, but rather, an anecdotal journey into what it’s like to be a Filipino family living in Northern America. Lim-Moore’s narrative also reflects of how American culture shapes long-held Filipino values.
She cites in the book how Filipinos give import on status, making sure to mention the who’s who that have come across the Lim family: from former US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton to Ajay Banga, former president and CEO of Mastercard Inc.
Another tell-tale sign of today’s stature is no longer possessions but travel. The Lims do a lot of this having vacationed at Cabo and having lived in Canada, New York and Singapore. Even Lim-Moore’s esteemed position in her many jobs is also well-documented in the book.
I believe it is part of the western culture that places such high reverence for material possession and political acclaim. As a third world citizen in a first world, it becomes hard to keep up with the Joneses. The Lims are able to do just this, and much more: they are able to fulfil the winning distinction of Filipino families over American ones.
Lim-Moore notes that in America, “They aren’t patient with their parents.” The kind of culture that throws away their parents off to a retirement home and does not give due respect to the elderly is actually doing more harm than good.
The Filipino family shows great resilinence in this international scene. The Lim family is a prime example of how we Filipinos stick together and love each other. No matter where you are in the world, the Filipino family remains secure and love-filled. Our children respect our elders as a source of support and wisdom, just as how Lim-Moore sees her own mother.
Our fathers will always be respected and valued, no matter how old they get. Yes, they may have idiosyncrasies that drive us to the wall, but that is what makes our families our own. This, for me, is the biggest success of this book.
As for Lim-Moore, she has achieved all that “life” tells us all to achieve: a successful career, personal acclaim as an author, a happy family, travel, a supportive husband and being able to pull it off with non-smudge lipstick to boot.
She should give herself a great pat on the back and a “Great job on life!” even if her mother is too polite to say so.