THE year 2016 is here Millennials!
It’s a time to make resolutions most of us won’t keep—but let’s be optimistic. This’s also a time to reflect and take the lessons learned to make this year even more awesome!
I write about relationships for a living and, as a result, I am somewhat familiar with the areas where most people go wrong. I used to be one of them.
Most of us are looking for lasting love with the right person but very few know what it actually takes to get that.
That’s because most of the dating advice out there focuses on the wrong things and the superficial ones that don’t really make a difference.
Here are five tiny twitch and mindset shifts that will help you get the love you want this year:
- Start dating smart. Sometimes, people write to us in order to understand why their relationships always fail, why their partner treat them badly and why they always get hurt.
The common thread in most of these cases is that people are choosing someone who are not even relationship material.
Yet they are hoping by some chance these person will suddenly transform to be the knights in shining armor they want. It goes both ways.
This situation only exists in cheesy romantic comedies.
If you choose to pursue a relationship with a guy who clearly isn’t relationship material, then you’re setting yourself up to fail before you even begin.
All the advice in the world isn’t going to help you if you’re choosing someone who clearly can’t give you what you want.
Maybe he’s immature, maybe she has emotional issues or maybe he’s just not a very good person.
Don’t waste time on those who won’t commit, can’t commit or don’t believe in commitment.
- Receive love. It doesn’t matter how much you put yourself out there or how many dates you go on; you will never find lasting love if you aren’t a vessel to receive love.
We can only accept as much love from the outside as we feel on the inside.
If you don’t already feel good about yourself and feel worthy of love then you will never truly believe someone else can love you.
It’s a common phenomenon most of us have experienced but few take the time to really uncover the root cause of it.
You can get by financially, physically and even socially with negative, self-defeating beliefs haunting you every step of the way.
However, love dredges up all that is unloved within ourselves.
If you have a negative perspective or negative beliefs haunting you, your love life will drag all of these issues to the surface and force you to deal with them head-on.
- Stop dwelling in the past. Sure, you may have broken up with them, but have you broken up with the damage they left behind?
Are you over it? Have you healed from the pain it caused?
They say time heals. This is true to an extent, but it isn’t a passive process.
Time helps you forget but healing is an active process. You need to put in a certain amount of work to get there. Otherwise, it will just linger beneath the surface and surprise you when you least expect it.
If thoughts of your ex (or exes) are still occupying space in your mind, it’s blocking you from finding the love you truly want. Any relationship has one of two outcomes: it’s either going to last forever, or it’s going to end. But the end is rarely ever pretty.
Remember that it’s not you. Sometimes two people just aren’t a match. Seeing it this way rather than seeing it as a reflection of yourself is a much healthier approach.
Your painful past doesn’t have to continue to define you. Just because things didn’t work out in the past, it doesn’t mean they never will in the future.
No matter what you’re holding on to, make an effort to release it so you can attract the love you want.
- Stop worrying too much. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, make a resolution to stop stressing over your love life this year.
Here’s the thing about overthinking: It feels like you’re doing something productive, like this energy you’re expending will lead you to some magical place of clarity and insight.
But, it doesn’t.
There really is no need or use for stress in a relationship. If it’s right, then it will work. If it’s not, it won’t. The more you free yourself from stress, the more people will feel free around you.
Those people, especially your loved one, will want to be around you and be close to you. Stress and anxiety can be contagious.
Try to just keep calm and enjoy things for what they are in the present moment. Don’t worry about where things are going, when he’s going to call you his girlfriend or why he took so long to text back.
Quiet those thoughts and remind yourself they aren’t serving you in any positive way.
Trust the timing of your life. Trust that things will work out as they’re supposed to because that really is how it usually goes.
- Don’t forget to love yourself. I know it’s trite and maybe a little cheesy but that doesn’t make it any less true.
Above all else, the best thing you can do to attract more love into your life is to genuinely love yourself. The beautiful being to their loved one is someone who is thoroughly happy with who they are.
Don’t change who you are because you think that’s what somebody else’s want. You need to find someone who likes the entire picture, not just pieces of you.
You can’t hide who you are forever. Discovering you’re incompatible is great. It saves you months or years of heartache and distraction, and it frees you up to find someone who is the right fit for you.
If you are authentically being yourself and living your life with integrity, when another person shows up and loves you for who you are, you won’t need to try to impress that person.
Remember a relationship will never fill an emotional void, complete you or make you happy. (Although, it can certainly add to your level of happiness.) Being in a relationship doesn’t determine your worth; only you have the power to do that.
Instead of focusing on finding someone, focus on being the kind of person who can have an amazing relationship.
It all starts with you. It starts with you being your best self.
That’s where all the other resolutions can come into play: stop smoking, eat healthy, join a gym, spend more time pursuing your passions and focus on letting go of your demons.
Commit to being your best self, and everything else will fall into place.