WHEN comedian and actor Robin Williams took his life one day in August, it caused a massive shockwave in many communities beyond Hollywood. Reports later revealed that he was being treated for depression, and to us mere mortals who may have little experience with such a medical condition, it seemed ironic. A man who spent much of his professional life making people laugh, had come unhinged, extremely sad to the point that he had to seek help for it.
“He didn’t look depressed” was the common reaction that greeted his tragic demise—maybe because we saw Williams only in those crowd-pleasing comedies in the big and small screen, or being interviewed on TV where he would talk or behave in almost manic fashion. We never saw his full emotional complexion away from the cameras, unlike his family who saw him 24/7.
Soon after, a media colleague admitted to having gone through a few depressive episodes in her life, and how much work (and some medication) it took for her to take control of it. Alya, who, at one time, had the unfortunate job of editing my pieces in some magazines we both became connected with, had always seemed fine to me. Every time we met, whether it was in the office or some party, she was so much fun. She would always be chatty, having tons of funny anecdotes to share. So it took me a while to catch my breath after reading her own narrative of her despair.
She admits that there had been times she thought of taking her life but, mercifully, the love and compassion of the people around her, along with her faith, kept her from “crossing the line.” She gives hope to those who may have nurtured such horrible thoughts, as well. Never be too afraid to seek help.
I’m also told of a known musician who has depressive moods—interspersed with manic ones.
Although it seems that artists have been stereotyped as “moody,” this particular musician has been diagnosed with bipolarism and takes medication to even out his temperament.
There are times, I am told, he expresses the desire of wanting to hit someone in the face. While he has never actually yielded to that desire, the feeling of rage can often feel overwhelming.
I’ve spoken with him a few times after his shows, and he always sounded like a regular chap. There was nothing unusual about his behavior and, on one occasion, he was even nice enough to allow my cousin, a saxophonist, to play with his band. Perhaps, he was on his meds, or is just an expert in keeping it together. Or maybe performing onstage is his way of dealing with manic episodes.
I applaud him and Alya for staring their issues in the face, and firmly dealing with them.
But then there are a few people I know of who actually thrive on their depression, bipolarism, or other mental-health issues.
They make it a point that everyone knows about their medical condition, and use it constantly as an excuse to escape from responsibilities.
A few even proclaim it loudly on social-networking sites, not by way of confession but, as some of their friends suspect, in an attempt to attracting attention and pity. One acquaintance, for instance, constantly presses his editor to understand his medical condition every time he slips up in his work, routinely failing to submit his promised pieces on time. “I’m in a depressive state kasi,” says he who’s afflicted with bipolar disorder.
Another friend uses the “D” word to gorge herself on food. It scares me that she has ballooned so much that she now has certain weight-related medical ailments, as well.
I’m not pooh-poohing their mental health, mind you. I understand that people afflicted with clinical depression, bipolarism, anxiety attacks, schizophrenia and other mental-health issues are very sensitive to outside stimuli. And it would be best that their friends and family know how to act around them, or behave toward them.
But, when these conditions are used (or abused) deliberately as a crutch to explain away irrational or irresponsible behavior by the afflicted, then the people around them become less sympathetic, or, worse, feel disdain toward them.
Some may carry their affliction like a badge of honor (or horror), encouraging those who care for them (or their Facebook buddies) to treat them like they belong to some special class of society.
In truth, we are all afflicted with some sort of handicap or another—it can be emotional, physical, or psychological.
My father had hypertension and diabetes and took medication for it. He changed his diet, and every morning he would take his blood test, then inject himself with insulin. It was a physical illness that he adapted to, but it never restricted his movements. He would go drive himself to the nearest lotto station to place his bets, or to the barbershop to get his buzz cut. It became manageable, because he changed his lifestyle to make it so.
For a short time, my friend S succumbed to severe anxiety attacks soon after his father passed away. He told us, his friends, about it, took his meds, and then he was cured. He went about his day or his work in the usual manner. There was no drama.
It’s what one does to overcome these afflictions that will set us apart from the rest. Talking about it constantly as a way to create a pity party is certainly not being “special.” One ends up as just another irritating person that people would be inclined to resolutely avoid.
OK, so, perhaps, I’m being too judgmental. That’s one of my own handicaps. I categorize people into the “weak” and “strong.” Whiners are certainly under the “weak” category. But, perhaps, I expect too much from people. There you go, and, yet, another handicap.
The key to solving one’s illness or affliction is to accept it, then take the necessary steps to do something about it. Don’t be ashamed to seek help from the medical profession, or take your meds.
Talk to family and close friends privately about your condition to help them understand what you’re going through. This will enable them also to recognize the signs when you are slipping into a dark place, and get you the support you need when you are unable to do it on your own.
But never use your illness or handicap, whatever it is, as a crutch to get out of your responsibilities or take advantage of people’s emotions to create sympathy for yourself. It’s just so wrong to manipulate people’s feelings just so you can feel better.